Recent Comments

1. about 4 hours ago on Wizard of Id Classics

   “I only read it for the articles.”

2. about 4 hours ago on Wannabe

   And let the machines learn?

3. about 4 hours ago on Scary Gary

   Some Fridays are like that.

4. about 4 hours ago on Red and Rover

   I remember Rat Fink.

5. about 4 hours ago on Over the Hedge

   We have liftoff!

6. about 4 hours ago on On A Claire Day

   And someone has to put it there!

7. about 4 hours ago on Lola

   Little Richard Lyrics

   “Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?”

   Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone?

   Oh where, oh where can he be?

   With his ears cut short

   And his tail cut long

   Oh where, oh where can he be?

   Oh where, oh where has my little, has my little dog gone?

   Oh where, oh where can he be?

   You know, with his ears cut short

   And his tail cut long

   Tell me

   Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone?

   Oh where, oh where can he be?

   With his ears cut short

   And his tail cut long

   Oh where, oh where can he be?

   From the album: “Shake It All About” (1992)

8. about 4 hours ago on Herb and Jamaal

   Part 2

   I grew up in Malaysia, so I’m able to understand Malay, English, and Japanese. I also know basic Mandarin, Cantonese, Hindustani, and Korean, but I’m unable to converse with others; it’s a one-sided understanding as I’m able to understand the language spoken but unable to construct proper sentences and grammar, so it sounds broken.

   I work in customer service and converse mostly in English. One of our customers was complaining in Mandarin to her friends that I was too slow and looked stupid when the fact was that she kept on changing her order specification every single MINUTE! Did she think we had magic or what to process and redo it every time? Trying to maintain a straight face when they are literally bad-talking right in front of you is the real task there.

   After I finished the order, upon payment, I said, “Xie Xie,” instead of, “Thank you.”

   The look of utter horror on both of their faces was totally satisfying.

   Me: “Yes, miss. I can understand you. Just because we don’t look smart, it doesn’t mean we can’t understand you.”

   NOT my story.

9. about 4 hours ago on Herb and Jamaal

   If You Wouldn’t Say It To Their Face, Don’t Say It Near Their Ears, Part 5

   My roommates and I decided to go grab food from [Sandwich Chain] before we went out one Friday night. One of my roommates is half-Ecuadorian, and the [Sandwich Chain] employees were both Hispanic.

   While I was in the process of ordering my sandwich, the two workers were speaking to each other in Spanish. When it was my friend’s turn, he ordered in Spanish, which I thought was simply a gesture. I couldn’t figure out why both employees looked like ghosts and stammered their way through the entire ordering process.

   When I got back in the car, my friend said that the two workers said, “Look at this f****** pretty boy, pretending to be cultured. What a [homophobic slur]; he doesn’t even know the language.”

   At that point, my friend decided to place his entire order in Spanish — and thank them at the end of the transaction.

   Part 4

   While I’m Portuguese, my husband is American, so we speak English at home so our kids are fluent in both languages.

   Around 10:00 one morning, I took all four kids for a swim at a nearby natural pool, as the sun wasn’t too strong and there were not too many people. There was us, the lifeguard, and this American couple with two young boys, who were already packing up.

   Young Boy: “Mom, why did we come so early?”

   Mom: Pointing at us “So we didn’t have to share the water with these filthy Mexicans.”

   Then, she turned toward me and said in horribly mangled Spanish:

   Mom: “Agua muy buena.” (Water very good.)

   One of my younger daughters, who’s three, just loudly asked me, in English:

   Daughter: “Mommy, why is that lady calling us Messcans?”

   The woman turned such a strong shade of red that you would think she had a sunburn.

   NOT my stories>

10. about 5 hours ago on Grand Avenue

    Burnout. . . . . .