Amanda the Great by Amanda El-Dweek for September 26, 2024

Blessings on you for being candid about your feelings, Amanda.

Don’t expect god to do anything, but an adoption clinic worked for us.

Trouble is, too many people have wanted to propagate the species… if we had only a thousand people in the world, sure, go forth and multiply. But Earth is bulging, with the population nearly tripling in my lifetime alone, and as a physicist said years ago the biggest danger is how people do not understand geometric progression. I decided at age 13 (see: first Earth Day, ZPG) to not have kids after reading The Baby Trap, which urged people to stop and really think about this decision and not just blindly follow society’s dictates. I would not have been a good mother, especially with the role model I had. Plus the poor kid would have had to been born with glasses on… ouch… and if she wasn’t a bright liberal agnostic sciencefiction-loving nerd, well, my mother disowned me for getting glasses I liked and that she didn’t, so, disowning if they’re not like u is what one does, right? ;) Seriously, it’s vital one looks deeply within to see if one is cut out for parenthood. It’s not bad to say one has different priorities or interests or abilities. And it’s vital to save the planet…

God designed sleep. When I was in high school, I was writing a report on the psalms, staying up past midnight, reading them, not getting my writing done—when I came across Psalm 127:2, “For God wants his loved ones to get their proper rest.” I went straight to bed.

Do not underestimate the good a non-parent trusted adult can do for multiple children…especially a well-rested one ;)

Amanda, bless you for being frank about your heartbreak/disappointment. It is a heartbreak. But I will be the first one to tell you that a childless life is still a good, valuable, and meaningful life. I was lucky: I have 2 adult male children. However, my oldest has married a woman for whom it is medically dangerous to bear a child. They have decided not to have children and have taken measures to ensure that. I will not having grandchildren from them. I’m OK with that. Am I disappointed? Yep. But I’m OK. Now this is different from your situation on a number of points, but their lives are still good and worthwhile. Not being so sad about this is a Good Thing, in my opinion. Yes, your church would like you to procreate. But if you can’t, hey. It’s OK. That’s NOT your only purpose on this earth, is it? Do not feel guilty about how you feel.

Haven’t seen or heard very many people express guilt over not feeling sad about something. Not feeling sad about doing something you know is wrong, well, that could be cause for concern.

But a woman not feeling sad about being unable to bring more children into the world seems like a bit of a veil for something else in the background. Perhaps expectation guilt? You know, the ones that society (“social constructs” these days) holds up as things that make a person oh so legitimate and valid etc.

In my opinion the sad you expect to be there and is not there (not much anyway, going by what’s kind of embedded in your shared prayer up there) would have been a triggered response to society’s phony baloney anyway had it been full blown sadness.

This resonates with us on so many levels. BIG hugs to Amanda and Dan.

The best you can do is enjoy the life you have. I know of unmarried women who are so happy they never married. They have fulfilling lives and have to answer to no one but themselves. Same goes for women who never had children. You don’t know if your life would have been better or not. Just love Dan and the cats and be appreciative of the life you do have. You have all of us who appreciate you more than you know. And don’t listen to ridiculous politicians who think you are nothing if you don’t have kids. You are a good, caring person and have a lot to offer. Enjoy your weekends!!

Adoption is a blessing!

I started babysitting at age 12. Even at that age I realized how much effort went into rearing children and how expensive it could potentially be. By 14 I decided that motherhood (and being married) were not my life long dreams. Never had children, but was widowed 2 years and 2 months after getting married. I never regretted the decision to not have children. But I’ve been a great Auntie to many children, related to me or not. It is a wonderful life.

Amanda, you are living the life you were suppose to. I believe every person has the opportunity to learn and do and have what’s was meant to be for them. Guilt is a terrible thing to carry around. There are plenty of children to go around, and if you still want one start looking. That child would be the luckyiest kid on earth to have you and Dan as parents. If it’s just not for you, that’s OK too. You both have so much to offer others, God has blessed you either way IMHO. And BTW there’s nothing wrong with sleeping in on the weekends or any other day. That’s why cats are one of the best reasons to have, no getting up to take them for walkies!

You are doing a great job with your catechism teaching. I am sure there are other activities as well. It takes a village to raise children. Being part of that village is just as important. If you really want children, go see your doctor and ask if there is anything you can do naturally.

Your humble sweet prayers rival Ruthies from One Big Happy! XOXO

Really powerful strip.

Thank you for sharing this. There are so many women who feel guilty that they’re “not sad enough”, or don’t really want children, and need to know that there’s nothing wrong with them feeling this way. Seeing that someone else feels the same way can be very powerful.

Being yourself— your true-to-you self— is what God calls us to be. To be who He made us, to be who He knows. The world insists we have consternation. God wants us to have peace.