Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for December 15, 2022

…. wrapped around a burger, Amen.

Too much potassium in the lettuce.

I once heard the story of a rather rotund wife of a pastor who, before consuming a meal at the local buffet restaurant, prayed to cast the calories out of the food.

Try the celery. Your net caloric intake from eating celery barely exceeds the calories you use to eat it in the first place.

Lettuce see, Aunty.

… and POOF! She was instantly turned into a rabbit!

Lettuce pray.

craving lettuce doesn’t leaf much to the imagination…

Lettuce could also be another name for money.

After years of only having bags of fancy schmancy lettuces, we bought a head of iceberg – it was great!

=( ewww

Have you seen the price of lettuce these days???? It has tripled!

Must be that nobody showed up for her wine party yesterday. Slimming down won’t cure a bad attitude though.

“Lettuce see, Lettuce see! Speaking words of veggies lettuce see…” Apologies to the Beatles…

On a Dagwood Sandwich.

Not gonna happen. Even if it is all you have in the house.

I don’t crave cramps, so no lettuce for me. I crave fruit, which is better than junk.

Aunty, eat your lettuce like John Pinette did, with melted Häagen-Dazs on it. Looks just like ranch.

Lettuce, turnip and pea…

Why can’t THEY make lettuce taste like chocolate?!?

The stores don’t even have any eggnog this year, but I have gained 6 pounds since Thanksgiving.

Is that a new brand of 5L wine?

Nothing doing! You’ll crave the best tasting and the fattest foods around…

I’m sure that prayer will be answered. And when it isn’t, you have God to blame.

And wine Aunty. Gotta have wine with your lettuce.

Good prayer, Aunty. When you fail to stick to that diet, you can blame God — or just make the excuse that He obviously didn’t want you to eat healthy, and of course it would be wrong to go against His will.

Oops. Too late.