Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for September 18, 2024

Long Story Short: Awesome Teacher

(I am 16. My teacher is a daydreamer and never knows which room we are supposed to be in. One day we decide to prank him, and close all of the blinds in the class. He finally walks into the dark room.)

Teacher: “Oh, you’re here. Don’t you want to work today?”

Class: “No!”

Teacher: “Do you want me to read you a story?”

Class: “Sure!”

(He then spent most of the class telling us a pretty story. All I can remember is the author was Russian, and the story about a bird. A few months later, at a parent/teacher meeting, he asked my mother if she was reading me bedtime stories!)

Long Story Short, The Answer Is No

Many years ago while I was driving my vintage extended-cab pickup, I noticed a newer extended cab on a dealer’s used truck lot. I pulled in, got out, walked to the truck, and checked its bed length. It was the shorter bed of that era — six and a half feet instead of the long eight-foot bed.

A salesman arrived and asked my thoughts on the truck.

Me: “Not interested. It has the short six-and-a-half-foot bed; I want an extended cab with the long bed.”

Salesman: “Oh, no! You wouldn’t want a truck that long. They are difficult to drive on city streets and in city traffic.”

Me: “Gee, I had never heard that. Are you sure?”

I know that many even longer trucks are being driven in the city daily.

Salesman: “Oh, yes! They are a real problem driving in cities.”

Me: “I’m not sure about that.”

After a few more exchanges of the same basic views, I decide it is time to give my closing declaration.

Me: “I have been driving my truck with the extended cab and the long, eight-foot bed for thirteen years. When do you think I might finally notice this problem?”

He walked away with a deer in the headlights look on his face.

She’s singing my song.

They’re more like ‘pedal pusher’ stories.

When somebody says “To make a long story short”, it is already too late.

Oh, yes! I certainly can relate to that. Sorry to all my lovely email-friends ;-*

She’s also good at making a short story long.

the story itself is short, it’s all the explanations and side stories that make it long

I remember once interrupting my mother as she was telling me a story, “Mom, just give me the details.”

……don’t want to hear it!!!!

Aunty, the only time you’re not telling a story is when you are passed out from too much booze.

It does seem common. I include myself. But I don’t give any warning the ‘Long story short’ preface.

That’s alright, I’ve got a short attention span.

When I am asked how I’m doing I respond asking how much time do they have…

One thing about the older generation… “tl;dr” is never an option.