Close to Home by John McPherson for November 13, 2015

Is that old Uncle Joe you’re using as a headboard?

Since he works on a tree farm, you wood think he could afford to buy his spouse a fir coat instead of making her knit a sweater.

Is their pecan under the bed ?(and don’t tell me it is pronounced " pi-kahn " , ‘cause around here..it ain’t )

another hour and they’ll both be sawin logs

sawn?

No dogs allowed in that house.

He’s got a Treehouse magazine hidden inside that Poplar Science. In the centrerfold, Miss November has lost her leaves..(And, yes. I can hear those wheels turning in your minds, you perverts. So yes, he’s feeling woody.)

I would have thought “Home & Garden” or “Field & Stream” would have been more his speed.

Or maybe that issue, based on the cover, has an article about cloning.

Stanford alumnae.

They might be reading up on how to make root beer.

I wonder if the magazine was made from poplar pulp. “…Marge always DID want to be well-read…”.

They’re pine-ing for the good life.

Groot!

This is were you go to be creative!

I don’t see any boobs on her, do the rest of you see boobs on here?

Oops It’s cull-inary that is correct – I got it backwards typing the sentence..