Close to Home by John McPherson for September 11, 2018

That’s a little like swabbing with alcohol before giving the lethal injection.

Wouldn’t want you to slip and fall and break your neck before we’ve had a chance to break your neck.

They required his last meal to be non-GMO, gluten-free and vegan.

So they’re playing a Bon Jovi album during his hanging?

Fake a fall and then sue ‘em. Then settle out of court; they don’t hang you and you won’t pursue that $7 million lawsuit.

And don’t forget to tip!

Marie Antoinette apologized to the executioner when she accidentally bumped into him on the gallows. Never too late for good manners.

Saaay, wait a minute, Is this scaffold ADA and OSHA compliant? Where’s the fall protection?

Get him a scarf so he doesn’t get rope burns on this neck.

Safety First.

When some one left a tack on the seat of the electric chair and the condemned said “What?” Are you gonna execute me by means of tetanus?"

I don’t see the little alien dude…unless that’s him disguised as that knot on top of the gallows…. :)

“Break a leg”.

If he slips and injures himself, will they still hang him?

If somebody shot him before he was hanged. Would he be tried for murder?

He’s liable to wet the steps himself on the way up.

Does it really matter?