Close to Home by John McPherson for July 11, 2019

I once heard a lady ask if the ham she had picked had any pork in it. I once saw a man hand an empty grape stem to the cashier and say “I found this”.

Simple enough; the milk goes in the return-to-stock basket. I wanna see if the scanner comes up with a price for Bleeb!

Makes cents to me.

She should at least give him back her 2 cents worth!

It isn’t so much the job, but the class of people it exposes you to.

hence the reason that it is still against the law to kill stupid people. One day at work and I would hit my bag limit.

I have no patience with people who want to see the manager to argue about coupons, either…

Our local store is in the middle of a complete reset. Our cashiers had been trained to ask if you found everything OK. I had the great fortune to be in the line of the funniest cashier who would say, "We thought we would make shopping more of an adventure for you. Just look at all the new friends you have made by asking where things are. And just when you think you know where it is, we will move it so you can look some more. (store name) is dedicated to your shopping pleasure, but we need you to spend more on impulse items. Thank you for shopping at (store name).

Some times the customer is not always right.

How much is that green slime he’s buying?

My favorite was a guy who came in the other day with a return without a receipt. He got mad when best we could offer was in-store credit; he wanted cash. His play was, “Walmart does it.” Forgetting that in our tiny town, practically everyone has worked there at one point or another. And, no, they don’t either.

That guy looks like he lives in his parents’ basement.

I used to say tomysef ohhhh,howILOVEmy job!!

My pet peeve. Why, when I have a huge amount of groceries which I bag myself, does someone with three items decide the checkout I’m in is a good place to wait. The cashier will say “take your time”, but I have an urge to yell “go somewhere else!” You can just feel the impatience streaming from them.

Ah, Bleeb. Peekin’ ’round the peanut butter…

My mom, often falling for junk science food trends, bought 2% milk, or as I called it, 98% water.

The real question about 2% milk: what is the other 98%?

After the “chickie” remark he wouldn’t have made it any further to say the rest of that stupid sentence with me.

“chickie”? i think that entitles her to shove 100% of that carton of 2% milk up his crevice where there is 0% sun.

If a half gallon costs $4, then at least he got the math right.

Assuming this genius doesn’t know that whole milk is only 4%, his calculation is based on 2% of $4 for a half gallon.

Another very disturbing hand.