Close to Home by John McPherson for July 14, 2022

They don’t have any. Now beat it.

“You’re too late — The last guy got them yesterday.”

she doesn’t know, ask Siri!

Alexa. Open all safes.

Alexa IS all of their valuables …

And Alexa probably knows all of their account numbers and login info, including passwords, too.

Bleeb says “Ask ME, I’ve been around….I know where it is”

Risky asking her….she controls all the lights and locks…

“I can answer that. Valuables are kept in a safe deposit box at the bank. Would you like me to dial the bank? Dialing bank. 9-1-1“

I knew it. Alexa is a security risk. I wish they would let us change the names of our devices. I would call mine, Abercromby. Who else would think to say, “Okay Abercromby, what’s the combination of the safe?”

I trust Mr. Coffee not to say anything.

Bite him on the leg bleeb

I swear if she snitches….

“Playing ‘Where do they sleep’ by Value Bulls on Amazon Music”.

“Look around at the decor. These people are 70 years behind the times! I’m the most modern and valuable thing herre!”

Alexa. Zelle transfer checking and savings to 555-555-5555.

Here’s your chance to be a hero Bleeb, tie his shoelaces together.

I’m it.

Check the dog’s p*op.he swallowed a diamond ring this morning.

The keep the valuables under the Basenji’s dog bed. Oh you didn’t hear the Basenji? That’s because they are a barkless breed of dog. Now would be a good time to ask Alexa to call 911 and ask EMS to bring a big ole Butt Bandage.

Any dog approaching and not barking is looking for a good site to bite.

Judging from the two teeth remaining in his jaws, I bet his nickname was “Dracula the cat burglar”