Pickles by Brian Crane for August 18, 2018

World’s most off color limerick

(Due to GoComics TOS I had to censor it slightly)

Blankety blank blank

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Blankety river of ▇▇▃█

the real last word sounds like something my father’s family (his father, brothers, nieces/nephews, grandnieces/grandnephews) would say

Glass?

Earl has the same appreciation for poetry that I do.

“Rectum, heck. Durn near killed ’im!”

Of all the fishes in the seas,

My favorite is the bass.

It climbs up all the rocks and trees

And falls down on its hands and knees.

Limericks are not the type of poetry a child should be introduced to. Bad Grandpa!

There is an old song -“I have a sad story to tell youIt may hurt your feelings a bit.Last night when I walked in my bathroomI stepped in a big pile of…Shaving Cream! Be nice and cleanShave every day And you’ll always look keen.”

That doesn’t rhyme.

Earl tell him you fell on your Donkey……

The answer to Bob’s limerick:Pa followed the pair from NantucketThe man and the girl with the bucketHe said to the manYou’re welcome to NanBut as for the bucket, Paw tucket

You have to watch Earl every second.

Then there was my mother’s favorite:

Of all the fishes in the sea, my favorite is the bass.

He climbs up on the seaweed trees and slides down on his hands and knees.

Still better that what some children are taught by their own parents these days.

You can tell a man who boozes, by the company he chooses…

“There was pride in Casey’s visage as he strode across the grass; there was scorn in his demeanor as he calmly scratched his… back.” — alternative version of Casey at the bat.

Ass me no more questions! ;o]

The bearded devil is force to dwell, in the only place where they don’t sell… Burma Shave.

Why are some words offensive and others, meaning the same thing, not. For me a word is a word.

Jesus rode into Jerusalem sitting on his ass.

Okay, when I was a kid I worked at an old folks home. There was an old man from the circus and this was his limerick:Mary went a fishing, sitting in the grass, Along came a Bumblebee and stung her on the $$. They sent for a doctor, a doctor named hunt and all he could find was a blister on her &#$.The funny part is that I did not put a and b together for years. This particular guy had a tattoo of a bumblebee on his… shall we say little friend.

Suzie had a steamboat,The steamboat had a bell!The steamboat went to heaven,And Suzie went to-

There was a young fellow who thought

Very little, but thought it a lot.

Then at long last he knew

What he wanted to do,

But before he could start, he forgot.

I’m with Earl on this one. The Engineer’s Dilemma (author unknown):

“It’s not my place to run the train

The whistle I can’t blow.

It’s not my place to say how far

The train’s allowed to go.

It’s not my place to shoot off steam

Nor even clang the bell.

But let the damn thing jump the track

And see who catches hell."

….shaving cream… be nice and clean….

He almost got it all out!!! Timing is everything.

My younger sister was a cheerleader in her elementary school. Here favorite cheer:

RAH! RAH! REE!Kick ’em in the knee!RAH! RAH! RASS!Kick ’em in the other knee!

My boyhood best friend Bobby Graf, had a great repertoire of limericks andoff color songs….Me? I never got to go to summer Camp….

“The higher up the mountain, the greener grows the grass,

Along came a billy goat riding on his overcoat…"

I’ve got a woman with legs like a duck. She ain’t good looking but she sure can dance.

She’s got freckles on her but, she’s nice.

I don’t understand why Earl doesn’t just go ahead and say it like he wants to. What is she going to do about it?