Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for September 18, 2019

He just can’t hear “no”.

Uh oh, I think you lost him.

Audiologist told me that I do not hear my wife because I cannot hear certain tones plus she talks quietly.

I am getting hard of hearing, but I’ve noticed that my wife almost always:

Talks while she’s looking away

With the TV on in the same room

And starts out pianissimo, raising her voice to my threshold of hearing in the middle, and then falling away again, so I hear: “mmmblrmbl Dishes in the flrimmlell.” … and when I say “What?” she replies: “THE DISHES.”

When I try to discuss this with her, either she cannot hear me, or it’s somehow my fault. Or both.

I used to live a few hundred feet from a railroad track. After a coupled of weeks, I could sleep through the 3 a.m. freight, while guests would tell me in the morning that they had been frightened awake by the awful ruckuss.

If you live with an incessant noise, soon your ear will “learn” to tune it out. Like becoming nose-blind to a persistent paper mill stink (I’m looking at you, Union Camp Savannah!), it is a matter of learning to live with those things you can’t change.

They should really do this. My test and aids work well with deep voices but I have trouble understanding my wife.

She’s just checking his selective hearing…

On the count of three…..ready? Make sure your strapped in tight…..one, two…..

My girlfriend has a dog boarding kennel; as many as 40 dogs a day. Her hearing is shot. I’ve drummed in bands for over 50 years, and my hearing is shot. We have some interesting conversations.

You lost him at “pings” , he’s focused on golfing.

I had an ex in-law like that. When we were in the car and I was giving directions, my ex had to repeat everything so he would respond.

I had to go to a hearing test with my husband and they asked me to say a list of words, the the hubby was to repeat. I say cat, he says feet. By about the third word I was laughing so hard I could barely speak.

Suddenly the “Pings” sound shrill and annoying.

I was getting my Hearing tested at Bass Pro (That’s another story…), because I was having trouble hearing my wife, and the guy told me I had hearing loss, and it was in the same register as skill saws and Industrial machinery. MY wife asks if he was saying she sounded like a skill saw shrieking… (BTW, a follow-up with a medical audiologists confirmed no hearing loss. Unfortunately, my wife now knows I’ve been ignoring her for the last 10 years. Never remove your excuse. NEVER!)

For some reason I can’t see the print on today’s cartoon…

I don’t like the sound of that.

Huh! Nope. Can’t hear a thing.