The Holidays are never a good time to part ways, but occasionally, with a breakup comes Catharsis…
A man and woman are having an “amicable” divorce after many years of marriage, but the husband has one question.
“Dear, there’s something that’s been preying on my mind for a lot of years now. And since we’re splitting up, and it doesn’t really matter any longer, I hope you won’t mind answering me.”
“Certainly; what’s your question?” she asks.
“Well, we have five children, and they’re all a lot alike except for Little Johnny. I’ve always wondered, did Johnny have a different father?”
Meekly, she answers, “Well…yes. Yes, he did.”
“So, please,” he goes on. “Tell me who is Little Johnny’s father.”
True story – I know a guy who used to work at a zoo, and he once wrestled a 6 foot alligator. He was the new guy and thought a group of zoo employees were going to collectively truss the gator up so they could move it, but it was the zoo equivalent of a snipe hunt.
RBION found alligators a worthy topic so let’s explore that one a bit more.
Sam and Bessie have been married for 50 years and Sam always wanted an expensive pair of alligator boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, “So, do you notice anything different about me?”“What’s different? It’s the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants. What’s different?”.
Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots.
Again, he says, “Bessie, do you notice anything different about me now?”.
“What’s different, Sam? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow.”.
Angrily, Sam yells, “DO YOU KNOW WHY ITS HANGING DOWN? Cause it’s lookin’ at my NEW BOOTS!”.
Another alligator joke.A blonde walks into a shop and wants a pair of alligator boots.The shopkeeper tells her they do not sell expensive items to blondes.After becoming very frustrated with the shopkeepers attitude the blonde declares. FINE ILL JUST GO CATCH AN ALLIGATOR AND GET MY OWN BOOTS!The shopkeeper replied why don’t you just try young lady with a smirk.So the blonde heads out to the swamp absolutely determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day the shopkeeper drives by and noticed the Young lady waist deep in water with a shotgun in her hands.He stops and watches as a very large alligator swims right at her. With lighting fast reflexes she throws the gun up and shoots the alligator killing it instantly.He keeps watching as she drags the alligator to a pile of 6 or 7 more. As he rolls down the window to ask why she needs so many Gators for one pair of boots she rolls it over and shouts.
Following Charlie’s lead, here’s another alligator story! I hope I haven’t already told this one here if so, bear with me..I’m old! Anyway two boys are sitting on the edge of a pier in Louisianna with their toes dangling in the water when suddenly one boy screams “That gator just bit my toe off!” The other boy says "Wow….which one? The first boy says “Hey I don’t know all them alligators!” Gotta limp away now! Jofers out!
The visitor to the reptile center who subdued the alligator was Macho Man Randy Savage who hit it with a Big Elbow off the Top Rope. When asked to comment for the press, Macho Man replied “OOoohhhh Yeaaahh” (RIP Randy Savage)
“Between 75 and 80 percent of the people …” implies Canadian authorities are not sure how many people live in the Yukon Territory. On the other hand Whitehorse was (I haven’t been there since ‘08) an exceptional town, unique, and sophisticated for being so remote.
eromlig about 3 years ago
The Holidays are never a good time to part ways, but occasionally, with a breakup comes Catharsis…
A man and woman are having an “amicable” divorce after many years of marriage, but the husband has one question.
“Dear, there’s something that’s been preying on my mind for a lot of years now. And since we’re splitting up, and it doesn’t really matter any longer, I hope you won’t mind answering me.”
“Certainly; what’s your question?” she asks.
“Well, we have five children, and they’re all a lot alike except for Little Johnny. I’ve always wondered, did Johnny have a different father?”
Meekly, she answers, “Well…yes. Yes, he did.”
“So, please,” he goes on. “Tell me who is Little Johnny’s father.”
Taking a deep breath, she replies, “You are.”
Charlie Fogwhistle about 3 years ago
True story – I know a guy who used to work at a zoo, and he once wrestled a 6 foot alligator. He was the new guy and thought a group of zoo employees were going to collectively truss the gator up so they could move it, but it was the zoo equivalent of a snipe hunt.
Templo S.U.D. about 3 years ago
How is the day after Thanksgiving busy for plumbers?
Charlie Fogwhistle about 3 years ago
RBION found alligators a worthy topic so let’s explore that one a bit more.
Sam and Bessie have been married for 50 years and Sam always wanted an expensive pair of alligator boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, “So, do you notice anything different about me?”“What’s different? It’s the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants. What’s different?”.
Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots.
Again, he says, “Bessie, do you notice anything different about me now?”.
“What’s different, Sam? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow.”.
Angrily, Sam yells, “DO YOU KNOW WHY ITS HANGING DOWN? Cause it’s lookin’ at my NEW BOOTS!”.
Bessie replies, “Shoulda bought a hat!”
Until next time.
Caldonia about 3 years ago
“Sir? Would you please stop coming to work in your wife’s pants?
RabbitHole about 3 years ago
Another alligator joke.A blonde walks into a shop and wants a pair of alligator boots.The shopkeeper tells her they do not sell expensive items to blondes.After becoming very frustrated with the shopkeepers attitude the blonde declares. FINE ILL JUST GO CATCH AN ALLIGATOR AND GET MY OWN BOOTS!The shopkeeper replied why don’t you just try young lady with a smirk.So the blonde heads out to the swamp absolutely determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day the shopkeeper drives by and noticed the Young lady waist deep in water with a shotgun in her hands.He stops and watches as a very large alligator swims right at her. With lighting fast reflexes she throws the gun up and shoots the alligator killing it instantly.He keeps watching as she drags the alligator to a pile of 6 or 7 more. As he rolls down the window to ask why she needs so many Gators for one pair of boots she rolls it over and shouts.
AHHHH THIS ONES BAREFOOT TOOO!
therese_callahan2002 about 3 years ago
There’s another town called White Pony. Couldn’t resist.
Jeffin Premium Member about 3 years ago
If you lived here; you’d be home by now.
Huckleberry Hiroshima about 3 years ago
We all have gators to wrestle. We make sure of that.
Take care, may pencil lead sculptor Sean “No It’s Not Pronounced ‘Seen’” Carvord be with you, and gesundheit.
FrankErnesto about 3 years ago
Alligators in Utah? People go to Utah to see alligators? And Florida to ski?
dv1093 about 3 years ago
I wonder what the back story is to that plumber fact? What’s the connection between the two?
joefearsnothing about 3 years ago
Following Charlie’s lead, here’s another alligator story! I hope I haven’t already told this one here if so, bear with me..I’m old! Anyway two boys are sitting on the edge of a pier in Louisianna with their toes dangling in the water when suddenly one boy screams “That gator just bit my toe off!” The other boy says "Wow….which one? The first boy says “Hey I don’t know all them alligators!” Gotta limp away now! Jofers out!
Count Olaf Premium Member about 3 years ago
The visitor to the reptile center who subdued the alligator was Macho Man Randy Savage who hit it with a Big Elbow off the Top Rope. When asked to comment for the press, Macho Man replied “OOoohhhh Yeaaahh” (RIP Randy Savage)
J. R. M. about 3 years ago
Wait! What!? A gator at a kids birthday party? Am I missing something?
the humorist formerly known as Hotshot1984 Premium Member about 3 years ago
See you later alligator, after a while crocodile
poppacapsmokeblower about 3 years ago
“Between 75 and 80 percent of the people …” implies Canadian authorities are not sure how many people live in the Yukon Territory. On the other hand Whitehorse was (I haven’t been there since ‘08) an exceptional town, unique, and sophisticated for being so remote.
ncorgbl about 3 years ago
‘Reptile disfunction’
hsawlrae about 3 years ago
Plumbers are probably busy with clogged toilets.
JoshHere about 3 years ago
When I call a plumber, I ask if there’s going to be crack, if he says yes, I end the call. I don’t want any crack in my house