Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for October 16, 2022

i will

y’all?

And you think anybody’s going to attend your funeral???

I don’t want a funeral. I want a party where they swap fun stories about me, good food, and dancing. Music. Lots of music.

She should hire Diamond Lil.

I’ll stand up and say: here lies Auntie with a hole in her panties.

I prefer the good old Stan Laurel quote: “If any of you cry at my funeral, I’ll never speak to you again!”

Really? I gotta say y’all?

And old-bag-pipes play “Amazing Disgrace.”

Hopefully someone at my funeral will say, “LOOK, he’s moving”

what does it matter after you’ve croaked…?

Aunty, what makes you think anyone will show up to your funeral?

I stood up at my mother’s funeral and played “Ding Dong the witch is dead.” Some of those present got it. Some she had fooled needed to be educated.

I plan not to die, so funeral rituals don’t apply to me

When mom died recently we didn’t have a funeral. We did however have a Celebration of Life at her favorite bar. There were a couple people that showed up that my friends had to remind me not to walk up to them and physically throw them out. My mother hated them and would have slapped them if she were alive. Yes they deserved it. I have no idea why they showed up they weren’t invited.

THANK you, Lil.

Oh, wait …

I refuse to attend anyones funeral, Unless they come to mine first.

With today’s technology, I’m surprised that it hasn’t become popular to record your own eulogy, to be played at your funeral. You could sum up your life, your feelings about various friends and relatives, your philosophy, whatever. While you wouldn’t be around to enjoy the results, it might also be fun to throw in a few rebuttals to the eulogies you expect to get from those friends and relatives.

as willie nelson says, ♪ i don’t go to funerals and i don’t plan to be at mine…

The only thing our survivors should have to do at our funeral is show up. My wife and I already made and paid for all the arrangements.

It’s all part of our “We’re spending your inheritance, so this is the least we could do.”