Scary Gary by Mark Buford for June 22, 2022

Pigs don’t sweat.

I would say Harry’s headed for a cardiac event, ‘xcept he’s got no heart…

It’s 100* Gary, that’s why you’re sweating…

Good Peppa talk.

If it motivates you to change, better thank him…..

If he is that out of shape, the neighbors would have no problem hunting him down and killing him. Better get in shape, Gary!

Okay… I just listened to a commercial for a Snake Oil Salesman giving his pitch about his perfect abbs. I tried to imagine what the guy actually would look like if I went to one of his lectures about his product. Because of my age… I first thought of a Lounge Lizard. A Lounge Lizard is a guy in a cheep polyester suit who has two things on his sleazy mind – sex and money. Then I thought of all the current televangelists out there with their Sold-Their-Souls Good Looks that charm people into believing anything they say. I then dismissed my silly trip down the White Rabbit Hole as just another Vacuum Salesman you can slam the door in his face.

But then I come in here. I wonder – what would Gary be like if he DID get into shape? Would he be overly attractive and charming to lure his victims in? Would he be overly confident in the bedroom as well as how he spends his income? And because he is virtually immortal… would you be able to slam the door on him? Would he become something even more Scary than Leopold could handle?

Or would it be just better that Leopold loathes his boss and Gary stays out of shape forever?

The coffee mug is mugging again. :)

That coffee mug skull needs a name. I feel like he/she is part of the family.

Gary, I’m sure Leopold would be happy to install a cockpit style ejection mechanism in your coffin to help you up the stairs, but I wouldn’t trust his aim.

And he can’t be weak since he has plenty of blood.

I’m melting! I’m melting!

Oh, don’t be so melodramatic, Sweathog….