Frank and Ernest by Thaves for August 24, 2023

It’s so much easier to borrow money if you don’t need it.

A guy comes into the liquor store with his eyes rolling around in his head. He holds up a tiny bag of suspect white powder.

Customer: “I’ll trade you some coke for a fifth of [Whiskey].”

Me: “We can’t accept that trade, sir.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “We don’t have a slot in the cash drawer for cocaine.”

The customer nodded as if this was an agreeable reason and calmly left.

Customer: “Can I get some more checks?”

I start the process of trying to get this taken care of when I realize something.

Me: “Sir, you have several bounced checks.”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s why I need new checks. I need to pay her with one of the new checks I’m gonna get.”

Me: “No, sir, the issue is that you have no money in your account.”

The guy was twenty-one and completely clueless about how checks worked. He thought that as long as you had a checkbook, you could buy anything you wanted.

He went to the wrong place he should have went to the government office.

Obviously!

Duh

Guy got a letter from his bank about his most recent overdraft. It demanded immediate payment or there would be penalties.

His reply letter: I don’t know why you are so upset and pushy. After all, you have had more use of my money than I have. It went on from there. Did not succeed.

I have a bank on my route and one day as I was walking in I heard in my head the song by Heart “How Do I Get You Alone” only it was “How Do I Get You A Loan” sung by a loan agent to a customer. Where does this stuff come from?

When I walk into a bank I look for Tonto. I figure he’s there because the loan arranger is usually there.

Frank has been to the track…?

He’s living paycheck to almost paycheck.

well, he’s not wrong. :}

not gonna fly, banks only loan money if you can prove you don’t need it.

True, but so is Frank’s reason.

Sounds like a perfectly logical reason to me.

If I had your money, I’d burn mine.

Why else?

If you don’t have money, that would make a loan risk.

If they gave points for honesty, he might get the loan.