Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau for May 20, 2011

Zonker actually outwits someone. I thought he was just a nitwit.

I just posted that on 5/19’s strip. It’s still on my clipboard.

Matthew 24:36 (King James Version)

36But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

After Saturday, BOTH GROUPS will be a lot happier.

Hey, WAIT. I just thought of something. Do your clothes get raptured up also? Maybe I DO want to go….Seriously, how about the fillings in your teeth? Or an artificial limb? Or if you had an organ transplant from a non-righteous person? These are serious questions!

No one can quote the scriptures like the devil. But which is which?If they Corps guards the Pearly Gates, but the Germans called us Devil Dogs, does anyone else see a problem?

>Zonker actually outwits someone. I thought he was just a nitwit

yes, but its all relative. A halfbrained pothead may at least be slightly in touch with reality.

If a person on the streetwas questioned up for displaying unbalanced behavior. And thier answer was, they were about to transubstanciate and live in a gated community in the clouds. This would be a first class ticket to a rubber room.Get the keys,the paperwork and get away.

Zonker is the new Linus.

Seems to me that God has already judged the world and we are living in the aftermath. We have floods, fires, pestilence, war, famine, windstorms, fanaticism, etc. etc. etc.I’d be “rapturous” if people would stop trying to force their particular religion on everyone else.

@sandfan – likewise. We also have W-Mart and malls which are houses for another religion.

Locusts! Where are the dmn locusts?

Zonk better hurry out of there if he wants to sell the Mercedes before Saturday.

I’m gonna watch the Rapture on Fox News…just to see the expressions on their faces when the realize they’re still here….

Baslim, you could at least have said, “With apologies to John Deutschendorf (better known as John Denver).”

I think someone’s making an awful lot of money by convincing folks that the rapture is coming soon. The way I figure it, we’re all going to die someday – might as well live life to the fullest, most loving every day.

BTW, the whole bible quoting is dangerous ground. Not all Christians see it as a guidebook or a Nostradamus-like book of predictions: Some of us simply see it as a faithful record of people struggling with their relationship with God. Important to study but not for proof-texting.

@wcorvi Exactly the kind of questions the scholastic theologians were trying to answer in the 12th century. Viz: If a mouse eats a bit of consecrated host has it received the sacrament? How many angles can dance on the head of a pin? Etc. Etc.

@baslim—very nice!

Zonker makes a very good point.

Any end of timers who want to transfer their money to me, I’m available to accept luxury cars and homes too, just saying.

The real difficulty in arguing with scripture is that almost anything condemned, is approved somewhere else. Particularly useful is “thou shalt not kill”— unless you can make an excuse for war.(anything will do for “the religious”)

The more correct translation is “Thou shalt not murder”.

I can think of a lot of advantages if the Rapture were real. Think about it:Sooooo many obnoxious people whould be gone…for good.A good number of them might be politicians.All the high-profile religious nuts, televangelists and politicians still left would be exposed definitively as the hypocrites they are.No Jehovah’s Witnesses ringing your doorbell for a thousand years.Housing, used cars, other pre- and now dis-owned property – two words: BUYERS’ MARKET!!!Unfortunately, it looks like all the Catholics will still be here, because the Rapture doesn’t loom large in their catechism (I grew up with twelve years of Catholic education and never heard of the Rapture until I was in my thirties).Anything else? Feel free to chime in.

A man discovered he was dying. He decided to turn his fortune into gold bars and packed them into two bags, leaving his wife and son with nothing. He then set the two bags in the attic over his bed, so when he died, he would grab them as he rose into the air. Finally, the night came and the man died. The wife and son ran up to the attic to see if the bags had gone. They were still there. The son said, “I knew he should have put them in the basement….”

@pouncingtiger

Zonker has never been a nitwit, he’s just a stoner. At times it’d hard to tell the difference! :-))

Zonker is foxy like a crazy

I created a sandwich for the occasion.

Saturday I’ll be going “Oooooh! Aaaaah! OOK! AACK!!”

A few years ago, there was a man dressed as a preacher outside Anthrocon in Pittsburgh, railing against the “Godless animal fornicators” within. The convention chairman, Sam Conway, saw the man and got his Bible out and matched him point-by-point. He won the argument and the preacher and his followers slunk away. Conway had thought they were an exaggerated satirical bit by convention attendees. He was a real preacher, actually believing his misinformation, and Conway had unwittingly outwitted him.

runar: “Didn’t Jesus also say that the end would be seen by people living in his time?”One end-run I’ve heard for that one is that some of Jesus’s original audience STILL has not yet “passed from this earth.”The Wandering Jew, anyone? “The original legend concerns a Jew who taunted Jesus on the way to the Crucifixion and was then cursed to walk the earth until the Second Coming.”[wikipedia]If it’s a given that someone from Jesus’s time would be alive to witness the Second Coming, and it’s likewise a given that one PARTICULAR person CANNOT die before the Second Coming, all the bases are covered. Pretty nifty, huh?

Baslim, that was sooooooo funny. As for the strip, sure am glad someone mentioned the correct bible verse to put an end to those who don’t know their bibles. I’d like to know where they get this stuff.

clever and very funny but it IS coming one of these days or months or years.

Jesus was cool, Saul was as much of a dick after he changed his name & aim. His word is not gospel, & the gospel was codified by an Emperor. Just saying, Friends.

Zonker is not a nitwit but a kind of God’s fool, so this is right on.

Mark 13, Matthew 24 . . . Jesus is referring to the total destruction of Judea by the Romans in 79-80 AD. Town by town, building by building. Jews and Christians driven out and scattered into persecution and exile.