Drabble by Kevin Fagan for February 03, 2015

Most of the times I have had surgery, the surgeon came ahead of surgery with a magic marker to write on the part he was operating on. The back surgeon didn’t, but maybe that is because I have only one back.

Once I remember the anesthetist saying to me “say goodnight Gracie” and next thing I knew I woke up in Recovery.

My knee surgeon did the same for the first knee. The second one was kind of obvious, having a long scar and recent staple removal marks. My comment before surgery was “A jaunty chapeau AND jewelry!” referring to the paper hat plastic wrist tag.

Back in the late 1970s, I was in for some outpatient surgery and in pre-op with 2 young men. We had all just been given the “lights out” juice and I told them that if they were nice to me, I wouldn’t tell their girlfriends I slept with them.

Anyone else notice that the doctor has a resemblance to Patrick? Now wouldn’t it be a surprise to wake up from surgery, and find out your surgeon was your long lost brother?

Did they already do weight loss surgery? Where did Ralph’s belly go when they put him on the hospital bed?

My son’s neurosurgeon wrote “NO” on his left knee before his brain surgery.

Did you hear about the guy whose doctor amputated the wrong leg? He tried to sue but the case was thrown out. He didn’t have a leg to stand on.

I broke my right arm a few years back and had to have surgery. When the orderly came in to take me to the op room he told me to slide myself over onto the gurney. I told him I couldn’t.. he said “Sure you can just put your hands down and push off” I reminded him that I had a broken arm. He did the same thing once we got into surgery. I went to sleep worrying that the surgeon would operate on the wrong arm.

I like the “happy juice”.

Queen, you’re a card!

For outpatient surgery, my anesthesiologist introduced himself as my new best friend.

Most Professions have the Line of (Gallows) Humor that isn’t always appreciated by those who do not happen to be members of said professions.

When I went “under” for my surgery, i was thinking about the old Bill Cosby (can I still say that name?) “tonsils” bit — counting backwards from 100. I made to 99½.

They told me to count back from 10, which I did. They said “damn you’re a stubborn 1!” Put more stuff into the iv and said try again. I made it to 7 then woke up in recovery