Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for May 30, 2020

How about hockey?“If you can’t beat them in the alley, you won’t beat them on the ice”—Toronto Maple Leafs owner Conn Smythe

Does your school have team sports? Uh, have you ever played a game against Valley Modified? Then, no.

A “Triumphant” Return, serioulsy?!!! If Billy Bunkin showed up, THAT would be a TRIUMPHANT RETURN!!!

P1, Why do you have two-tone hair?

P2, You know, I could ask you the same question.

P3, And some felons.

“We have some athletes. Plus there’s this ex-pro football player . . . Burt Kennolds or Fennolds or somebody . . . who’s supposed to show up.”

Ìn all reality , Yes we have athletes at my school . We have a couple of guys who ran 4.3 40 after a botched liquor store holdup and the women inmates MIA boxing team is undefeated .

“Remember Janey Dunber? Turns out she didn’t move away after all! Her kid is 3 now!”

Hey! What do you have to do to get some silverware around here?

P4- ….and I’ve learned to pitch pennies during bathroom breaks.

If I ever make a triumphant return anywhere, I sure hope it is not somewhere called The Bucket. That is truly one of the funniest sentences I’ve ever read!

P1 – TRIUMPHANT! Sitting at a table where a grand total of one person talks to him sure is triumphant.

P2 – “Sports? We have a day care. A DAY CARE! You get it? That means the girls are….well….very friendly. Who has time for sports?”

P3 – “Not the best athletes. I mean they can run, but since they all got caught by the cops, they’re not that fast.”

And speaking of getting caught, I hope you’ve gotten all caught up on this week’s episodes of Mopped Up Thorp!

https://moppedupthorp.wordpress.com/

This is what’s wrong with youth sports in America, it’s all tied to the public school system.

If we ran community sports clubs, like they do EVERYWHERE else in world then guys like Mike could still play sports no matter what school he went to.

And then schools could focus on what they’re SUPPOSED to be doing, educating children. Not wasting money on coaches, like our Mr. Thorpe.

I have not been as regular myself for a couple of weeks. Has CJ made a comeback yet?

“We got guys that are all-city in the snatch-and-grab. We got girls that arm wrestle while they’re having their baby. We got athletes!”