Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for March 19, 2017
March 18, 2017
March 20, 2017
Transcript:
The Wiley Bears (ursus wileus) Sunday Color Field Guide "Purfict Camp Site" Woodland Wiley Bears Habitat: Dense woods Favorite prey: dense hikers Bipolar Wiley bears Habitat: The arctic circle and Antarctica Oppidan Wiley Bears: Thrives on a steady diet of gullibility "Guaranteed Weight Loss With Our Bear Claws!" Guru Wiley Bears "All the truth you can bear" "Stop here and close your eyes" Ok, you get the drift by now... "G'day, mate!" Wiley Bears are everywhere and masters of disguise, but what color are they? You get to decide that! So get your crayons, take a break from the "Real World" and have fun!
My favorite bear story:
The young couple on their honeymoon were about to spend the week camping in Yellowstone, but first they had to listen to the ranger’s orientation speech. He was particularly emphatic about bears. “They’re a protected species, so we’ve got lots of them, but they’re still dangerous. Don’t approach them under any circumstances. And don’t try to outrun them; they’re faster than you are. And climbing a tree won’t help, either; they’re better at it than you.”
The nervous groom asked what they could do about it.
“Well, some people stop by the gift shop and pick up wristlets or anklets with little bells. Sometimes if they hear you coming, they’ll move off before you get there. You can also get cans of pepper spray in case you surprise one. Oh, and be on the lookout for fresh bear scat; that’s a sign that they’re around and you might want to leave.”
“What’s scat?” asked the bride.
“Bear droppings. You can tell what kind of bear it is by what their poop looks like. The smaller ones, black bears, have scat that’s kind of firm and roundish, like dark ping-pong balls. The really dangerous guys, the big grizzlies, have softer, flatter, lighter-colored droppings, kind of like cowpies, except they usually have little bells and smell like pepper.”