Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for December 05, 2017

standing outside in the rain and snow, having dogs pee on you`?

One hangs out at the North Pole, the other at Nome, Alaska.

Elves to the left, Gnomes to the right.

Actually, Nome is only north of North Pole, AK by a 1000 miles or so. I know, I used to live in North Pole.

If they flunk elf school, they are sent to kids homes to sit on a shelf and spy.

maybe he should look into the survival rate of class ‘avoid lawnmower and look as if you did not move 101’

Lucky Charms cereal production sounds good.

Maybe the Gnome will send postcards if someone takes him on a trip.

Maybe retired Santa Elves become Garden Gnomes

Where’s the door that says “Makes Cookies for Keebler”?

But he has to stand the whole time and it is rather boring (except when the garden needs protecting)

It’s a racial thing. Elves are put into slavery, Gnomes have gnome privilege.

Santa moved to Antarctica back in 1904. He is part Light Elf so they are all professionals. There is no slavery there. Just a vicious rumor started by the Dark Elves who gave us Krampus.

From Wikipedia:

Krampus is a horned,dark, vaguely anthropomorphic folklore figure described as “half-goat, half-demon”,1 who, during the Christmas season, punishes children who have misbehaved, in contrast with Saint Nicholas, who rewards the well-behaved with gifts. Krampus is one of the companions of Saint Nicholas in regions including Austria, Bavaria, Croatia, Czech Republic, Hungary, Slovenia and Northern Italy.23 The origin of the figure is unclear; some folklorists and anthropologists have postulated its pre-Christian origin.