Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 16, 2011

Mayonnaise is far more likely to kill you in your sleep due to clogged arteries…

“Homicidal Mayonnaise. . .” There’s a rock band name waiting to happen!

I never did like mayonnaise. Rat’s fear-mongering only reinforces my aversion to the vile stuff. The only thing we have to fear is, mayonnaise itself!

I look forward to Rat’s upcoming story on how our computers may be trying to strangle us during dinner.

Miracle Whip is the only solution.

Breaking NewsViewers are cautioned about reading GoComics.There may be horrific puns lurking about, especially in the neighborhood of Pearls Before Swine.Our medical advisers recommend that readers;Have your meds at hand, and tocompletely swallow your coffee or breakfast beverage before viewing a strip. This is for your safety and the safety of those around you.An addition note:Be sure to refrigerate your Mayonnaise, it moves slower when cold.

There’s a flaw in your statement, Rat. I neither stock mayo or Miracle Whip or even catsup in my house. I only buy the finest of mustards.

Hey Stephan, if I get you to speak at my event, can I make it a staff meeting and you can threaten them that Rat will hit them with a bat if they don’t start doing their jobs right and quit whining? I can’t promise beer on site, but there are tons of great restaurants around and Japanese beer is very good. Not to mention sake’.

Killer condiments.

Here in El Paso, they celebrate Cinco de Mayo. The “highlight” is a big cook-off where you have to create five dishes using mayonnaise as the theme ingredient.

Rat finally a Dream job. First job where his employer praised him.

I knew it. Every fast-food joint in the world is putting that murderous stuff on their burgers, and all this time I thought they were doing it by choice. Now I know the mayo must be forcing them into being its accomplices.

Steve has captured the evening news “daily scare” perfectly!

How comfprting to know that in this unpredictable world, where so much can go wrong, there is a caring, concerned journalist like Rat to calm our fears with his hopful reports.

Glenn Beck can demonstrate how emulsified French condiments are slowly converting American youth to Fascist Euro-socialism. He can draw it on his chalkboard.

That is hilairous!

Hehe xxx

MSNBC.

My mayonaisse went bad, stole a car, led cops on a fifty mile chase and died in a horrific shootout.

He is so right on with this one.

Parts of panels 2 and 3 sound like a scene off of “Family Feud” …

Mayonnaise—one of my favorite things— :-O

Mayonnaise is really healthy and unclogs blocked arteries.

You don’t even want to know about the ketchup.

At this moment, dozens of victims are being transported to the Mayo Clinic. =rimshot=

typical garbage absorbed(and thought to be true) by a normal american.

Thats what newz stations do

This is great…

“Wow” is a rare PBS punchline, but it’s effective.