Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 09, 2014
Transcript:
Victor the Vegan meets Jef the Cylcist. Victor: Behold! I am Victor the vegan, judging all those who dare to use animal products! Jef: Behold! I am Jef the cyclist, judging all those who are lazy and weak! Jef: I condemn thee for having a leather seat on thy bike!! Jef: I condemn thee for being a skinny runt of a man!! Pig: It's not pretty when two superior races meet. Victor: I punch thee for wearing spandex.
Sherlock Watson about 10 years ago
Two wrongs are making a right cross!
Alexander the Good Enough about 10 years ago
Matter, meet antimatter. Actually, the two groups share rather much in common and are often likely to merge into one more or less unpleasant alliance.
Kaputnik about 10 years ago
Maybe they will meet Vinnie the Vegetarian and Troy the tricyclist and become allies against them.
inshadowz about 10 years ago
I second the spandex line! On guys anyway.
Mr_Mattie about 10 years ago
Heaven help them both when they meet Roscoe the Redneck.
AlnicoV about 10 years ago
I swear I saw this play itself out in real life at a Portland, Oregon Starbucks just last week.
JusSayin about 10 years ago
The subtext here is they also actively participate in Renaissance Fairs. "I condemn THEE?
Bilan about 10 years ago
At least Jef can outrun Victor if things gets bad.
fatchance about 10 years ago
Spandex is the last bastion of chivalry. When I was still mountain biking, I always allowed women to go up the hill before me.
Brass Orchid Premium Member about 10 years ago
This is how the end begins.
sarah413 Premium Member about 10 years ago
“My dog’s better than your dog. My dog’s better than yours. My dog’s better ‘cause he eats kennel ration. My dog’s better than yours.”
matjestaet about 10 years ago
Hmmm….. we all know a “Jef” who is a cyclist.
But who is “Victor” ?
Cameron1988 Premium Member about 10 years ago
LOL
Reppr Premium Member about 10 years ago
I am SO enjoying this (as I watch the Spandex peacocks in the passing parade)
tommysmo about 10 years ago
I know who Jef is. Does anyone know if Victor is modeled after a real person?
Guilty Bystander about 10 years ago
Shhhh…don’t ever tell a greener or bicyclist they’re not superior. Without smugness, they’d have no personality at all.
VariousPositions about 10 years ago
“Scrawny vegan” is a dumb stereotype. There are vegan professional MMA fighters. Patrik Baboumian (vegan) won Germany’s Strongest Man competition.
linksglfr Premium Member about 10 years ago
Add Prius drivers. The most sanctimonious motorists ever.
Thomas R. Williams about 10 years ago
BÜbermensch
pag about 10 years ago
So this is a comic strip judging vegans and cyclists because they’re too judgmental? Oh, the irony…
dutchs about 10 years ago
I had haggis once and it wasn’t bad but the imagery in this poem? Bleagghh!
echoraven about 10 years ago
Andy the Atheist will destroy them all with his intellectual superiority!
nosirrom about 10 years ago
In this fight, I’ll bet on Jef.While Victor has an Asparagus Spear,Jef has a Bike Chain.
russellc64 about 10 years ago
“I punch thee for wearing spandex.”First time I ever agreed with a vegan.
kzturtlegirl about 10 years ago
@Tom, maybe Darby Conley of Get Fuzzy? @Ro-Gan, make that three, don’t forget the white mice. But, I don’t think the dolphins knew about them. As for Victor Vegan, he’s better than Vegas Vic. At least Victor doesn’t smoke…… well, maybe just not tobacco……
Fido (aka Felix Rex) about 10 years ago
So why the sudden influx of Mallet-bashing?
Bucinka about 10 years ago
Go Jef!
loner34 about 10 years ago
I would like to by them for what they are worth… and sell them for what they THINK they’re worth
Rick Smith Premium Member about 10 years ago
Only the vegan half.
barister about 10 years ago
Finally, a funny script. Thanks. It was a loooong time coming.
Sisyphos about 10 years ago
I hope Victor and Jef beat each other into oblivion. Normal people would then be better off….
singlefemalelaywer about 10 years ago
That’s Future Jef on the left………………………
KEA about 10 years ago
Maybe they’ll join forces and take on dog owners.
Janlouo about 10 years ago
Vegan! Because being a vegetarian just isn’t enough!The battle of “Healthier then Thou”
Brass Orchid Premium Member about 10 years ago
What? You mean they might be compensating for something?
Sheila Hardie about 10 years ago
Or parents.
claire de la lune. about 10 years ago
Happiness… is a warm gun (bam bam, shoot shoot)…
cwizard71 about 10 years ago
Vegans do not act like they are superior to everyone else. I know four vegans and none of them act like that. Also, do you ever see any TV ads for vegan-friendly products? No, but you see plenty of ads for meat. So who is acting superior to whom?
Michelman40 about 10 years ago
Vegans are humorless and would never read the comics
MTsteel over 9 years ago
Vegans are supreme! EXTERMINATE!!
knight1192a over 9 years ago
Viktor should condemn himself too.
Snuffles [Previously Helikitty] over 2 years ago
I prefer the Cyclist.