Phoebe and Her Unicorn by Dana Simpson for August 22, 2018

Dakota might go from Felecia to a more successful female version of Avery.

“Why can’t we be friends?”

Phoebe just cannot win, can she?

Just walk away. She’s the kind of friend who isn’t a friend. Friends are someone you can trust.

At least she is honest.

Dakota gets points for honesty, and still seems to be insecure, since she needs to “look cool.” Does she have any friends, besides Phoebe? Real friends, not the “too cool for the pool” crowd.

Hey, Dakota… maybe this year, try “Hey, my friend Phoebe has a UNICORN!” Then prove it.

That’s what bothers me about people. To look cool, you have to be mean.

That’s what bothers me about people. To look cool, you have to be mean.

So reputation above friendship. That is so predictable about Dakota. So many people always think the former is more important in life. Next thing you know, they stop being themselves and have practically no identity.

Fortunately after high school you realize that all those “cool mean people” weren’t really cool at all. Just mean.

Dakota, the epitome of a toxic friendship.

Give it up, Phoebe. Dakota will never be your friend, pretend or otherwise.

At least she’s letting you share her seat, Phoebe. Take the win where you can get it.

Being rude to others to look cool is uncool: Dakota is the anti-cool, terminally cool, shriveled up little excuse of a person.