Pickles by Brian Crane for April 01, 2023

I’ll try that.

Good one Earl. I always let the machine answer.

ALLRIGHT   Earl!!!

that is freakin awesome! ㋡

Spam bots don’t care. I wonder why spam bots have human names like Alice, instead of robot names like R2X7.

bravo, Earl

If I know an incoming call is a telemarketer, I’ll answer by saying, “This is K-WHIZ. Are you ready to take a whiz on live radio?”

Brilliant, Earl!

Not so sure… why will a telemarketer miss the opportunity to bother at home millions of victims at once?

“You are the fourth caller. The third caller already won the million dollars. “April Fools!”

I answer, “Spreman, tko me zove? Što hoćeš?”

Joe’s Bar and Grille, Joe here! That usually works!

I’ll have to try that!

Were telemarketers one of the things that Earl wrote down as things that tick him off (see Thursday’s “Pickles” (https://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2023/03/30)

Which reminds me of I haven’t received a call about my extended car warranty

My fave is “City Morgue. You stab ’em, we slab ’em.”

It was kinda fun to answer phones with something like that. Now with cell phones, I have my settings adjusted so my phone won’t ring unless the number is in my address book. Works great and most of these calls never leave a message.

I thought it would be Bart Simpson calling the Pickles residence and saying something like “Is Mr. Caholic here, first name Al?”

I usually say “The only spam I want is from Hormel”, then I hang up.

There is an insurance commercial where the female receptionist says “This is Sally, how may I help you?” Now…who names their daughter “Sally” these days? That went out with Peanuts.

once she met Harry, the world mostly forgot about her

When they call about duct cleaning, I like to pretend that I misheard them, and I say “I don’t have any ducks, but I have geese. Do you clean geese?” Occasionally I’ll get someone who tries to clarify that they mean “ducts”, while I continue to “mishear” them. It can get quite comical.

LOL! I’ll have to remember this! LOVE it!

Tweedle? ☺️☺️☺️

I love it! I think I’m going to try this! Except usually they’re bots.

my answering message is, “Leave me a message and I’ll call you back , unless you are asking for a donation or trying to sell me something. In that case, take me off your list” I usually hear a click after “something”.

“Joe’s Pool hall, Ballracker speaking.”

If I don’t recognize the number, I don’t answer. Then a lot are labeled “Potential Spam” which is nice.

The callers I most dislike open with ‘Hey Grandpa.’ I occasionally take a second to suggest the caller is the product of an illicit love affair and his daddy could be anyone, then drop the phone. Not nice, but neither is scamming elders. Lots of innocents hurt that way among others, and unfortunately, few agencies have the capacity or interest to really hunt them down.

On a similar problem, I often backtrace phone numbers to see if it is tied to an actual address or if the number has never been registered. Most often they are not.

Seems to me phone companies could digitally lock unregistered numbers in a safe area and only release them to customers who have been provided a special code upon purchase of a phone system. Of course, as I am essentially ‘computer limited,’ that method might be impossible, but someone with real skills probably has the fix. Could make a bit of coin developing it.

I’ll have to remember that one.

My phone has a block button. That number will never ring forevermore.

I never receive telemarketers calls. I feel so rejected. {:’^(

If my cellphone rings, I know it’s a spam call because no one knows my number.

I tell marketing callers I’m having $ex……….click!

tweedle?? What phone has ever made that sound?

Just buy/use ROBOKILLER and go back to your life…..

sometimes it is cool watching Scammer Payback on Y’tubehttps://www.youtube.com/@ScammerPayback/videos

Try saying in a serious voice, “Sargent York, telephone fraud division, what is your complaint.” It works.

We used to say “Joe’s Morgue, you stab ’em, we slab ’em.” Not sure I’d try that these days.

Makes me wish I had a house phone.

Small time crooks are pulling out and selling obselete land line local feeder cables for the copper. You know, the ones we senior-senior citizens installed, maintained, and administered. Very few, now dependent on the vagaries of radio, have noticed. If in a disaster with no signal, experts say, “Just drive down the road….”

“We’re talking to Bob from Anaheim. Bob, tell us about why you think people care about what you say on radio. Bob? Bob?”

Who’s he TALKIN’ to.?????

Good one Earl! I wish it would work in real life.

We just tell them we’d like to order the curry chicken. They usually hang up after that.

This is the funniest one I’ve read today.

Whose phone goes “tweedle”?

Thanks Brian, that is really brilliant and funny too…

Road Kill Cafe, you kill em, we grill em.

My first take was that it was a barbecue, not a folded down drop leaf table. Initially, I had trouble getting past what kind of device would sit on a barbecue and go “tweedle”. But will have to try Earl’s response.

In our case we have land line screen calls, immediate hangup they think answering machine.

Maybe I’ll try that.

Im using this.

This is comic is a rerun from years past; I downloaded it then. ‘Calvin’ has a few comics with a similar theme.

It was the 80’s, I was hanging out with a friend who worked at the gas station near my house. She called a someone up and then started to yell at her, “Wei! Wei! My friend was Irish. She was trying to convince me that she was yelling at a prank caller who yelled at her in Cantonize and was surprised when I didn’t react. I laughed and said, "Because you Called her!

Equally effective: “Welcome to Scam Radio Hour; please tell our audience your name.”