Recent Comments

1. about 3 hours ago on Crankshaft

   “I, ZLARGBARG, Master of the Galaxies, I now command all the fleet to power down their Planet-Destructo Death-Beams! This…Earth or whatever they call it, is just as the Guide says! ‘Mostly Harmless’! We shall leave these utter morons alone, unless they are so dang stupid they attack us! And how stupid could they be, to—BLORG DANG IT, the monkeys are shooting CHARCOAL GRILLS at us! ALL WEAPONS FIRE!” The smoking ruins of Ohio. Pam, barely alive, gasping her last words: “Dad…what are you…doing…”

2. about 4 hours ago on Crankshaft

   It’s lede, dude. Journalists know this. And Google also says [220 PAGES OF PAID CONTENT]

3. about 4 hours ago on Crankshaft

   SKIP: “Hey, Blondie McClone! Want a potato chip? Me be lovin’ these for…Many Times!” (Skip eats a chunk of lead paint, swallows) “Now that’s—burying the LEAD!” (Skip dies)

4. about 4 hours ago on Crankshaft

   LEDE! It’s “burying the LEDE,” Tom, Super-Duper Expert on the Papers of News!

5. 1 day ago on Crankshaft

   Golly, I sure love these stories about…hedge funds? Gol dang, we need more stories about…WHAT THE F TOM?! What’s next, “Me eat beans, need to fart!” Thank you, Thomas, for addressing a subject that no one even knows what you’re talking about! What giant conglomerate wants to buy a paper in NOWHERESVILLE? “And THEN—they sued the gum stuck on my shoe!” BLONDE CLONE: “duh, I guess”

6. 2 days ago on Crankshaft

   TOM slams down menu: “So! Your kids menu has dino nuggets and fish sticks on it, but not a SINGLE CHILD basted in it’s OWN JUICES?! GET ME YOUR MANAGER! Or I will take my nightmare horror spikes to CRACKER BARREL!”

7. 2 days ago on Crankshaft

   Slowly sliding down a spike, while Vlad the Impaler enjoys breakfast.

8. 2 days ago on Crankshaft

   Skip, sorta singing: “Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so impale you on a spike, maybe?” (She runs away, dialing 911) Skip: “Gotta work on my pick-up lines. How about ‘Is Heaven missing an angel? Cuz you like something that DIED! On a SPIKE!’ Yeah, that’s it!”

9. 2 days ago on Crankshaft

   I blame the bulldog from the Tom & Jerry cartoons.

10. 2 days ago on Crankshaft

    And the paper & pen she was using yesterday has now become a notepad & stylus. Dang these small-town reality inversions!