Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich for May 07, 2015

Pokey guy is obeying the speed limit.

My favorite bumper sticker: Caution I Drive Just Like You.

You’ve got it wrong. People going slower than you are stupid. People going faster than you are crazy.

I think George Carlin did it first. and better.

You stole this from George Carlin.

I hate when people say an artist “stole” from someone else. Sometimes jokes overlap, and many gags have been used and reused. Doesn’t mean they stole them and it doesn’t mean they aren’t funny.

you left out about 50 cuss words per minute!!!!

Pretty much an everyday routine for drivers these days!

I’d like to thin the herd, but where to start is a difficult question…

It’s called obeying the speed limit. It’s worked for me for forty years. And I still don’t get just what the hell everyone’s in such a hurry over.

Now get off my lawn.

It’s like what the nervous passenger asked after the last engine on the 747 failed, “What are we going to do now?”

The guy sitting next to him replied, “Don’t worry. You be the first at the scene of the crash.”

Driving from Columbus to Sandusky OH one day, I said to my passenger, “Don’t look now; but there’s a real clown following us.” She looked as he passed — almost fell out of the car when she saw the big hair, huge red nose, and weird clothing. She missed the oversized bow tie.