Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for June 03, 2021

“P-Yow”? Is that anything like “Ka-Pow”? (Even villains get heir own sfx)

Grabbing R.J., that’s losing before you start!

Ka-FALL FOR IT!

There’s a reason we call them “Goons”!

I can see the reason for the ET costume. This guy is not a looker. What’s with the “good guy” nose on his mug?

Further, Jenkins was right: you don’t need brains to be a skull boss. It is almost as if ET is trying to help Sopapilla escape.

When did the goons start calling themselves “soldiers of fortune?” I think he meant to grab the goon handbook, instead.

Seize, seize seize. And, while you’re at it, find me something evil to wear. Shouting orders while in undershirt and polka dot boxers is not dignified for villain.

KA-DISTRACTION!

“Seize him! Ignore everything else!” is the kind of lean, telegraphic, ludicrous plot-advancing stuff I come here for.

Another favorite example is from THUMB WARS, when the Princess character shows up out of nowhere to some guys she’s never met, and announces “I escaped somehow. Let’s go!”

KA-NA NA NAH-NA NA NA NAH! KA-HEY HEY! KA-GET HAYWIRE!

Not sure what Sopapilla sees in this guy.

Looks like someone flunked Soldier of Fortune 101 in Goon School.

KA-NYAH-NYAHHH!

They’re not very bright, are they? (Especially not El Tornado.)

Carpe haywire