Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for December 29, 2011

It was the breathalyzer that convicted the elk. It blew 0.16

Carl, ya think ya might stay indoors now? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjI8AxZnrx8

A drunken elk killed the wife? And just when you thought you’d heard it all…

What the Report Failed to mention was that the Drunken Elk was, in fact Mr. Westlunds Lodge Brother in a Fraternity Initiation that went Pear Shaped (that Means : ’ orribly Wrong) and that Receipts recovered from Elk Lodge # ****** clearly show that Mr. Westlund purchased the Alcohol which led to his Wifes (Accidental??) demise. Ohhhh Wait…the Police discovered she was Murdered by a Moose?! ;-) Have Fun Y’all.

@ Dberrymanal1 — (re: yesterday’s comments)

D’ja read my second comment yesterday? In my attempt to clarify, did I make it more confusing?

1. I’ve been reading Ripley’s BION since I was a kid. Although there might be the occasional chuckle, I certainly do not expect it to be consistently or even frequently funny. My mistake was to refer to the comics page as the “funnies”. Sorry.

2. Yesterday’s dog story was particularly disturbing to me, and I reacted by posting that comment, never dreaming that you and others would apparently take offense and become so condescending toward me. I understand that BION sometimes includes details that are sometimes gruesome, grotesque and/or gory, yet when it comes to man’s cruelty to other living creatures, it upsets me more than a story about, say, parasites boring into flesh or something along that vein that produces an “UGH”…then, “HUH!”…then one moves on. I am a life-long dog lover who really found that story upsetting. Take it or leave it. Believe it or not…………………

Where can I hire that hit moose

Gramma got run over by a reindeer…

That was probably a moose — they call moose “elk” over there; what US folks call elk are called “red deer” in Europe.

“Lightning’s Striking Again!” – Lou Christie

My sister was bitten by a møøse once…no, really! And I just watched and laughed.

Why does no one want to stand close to Carl Mize?

Animal cruelty seems to have spilled over from yesterday, and the animals sometimes “win”. Years ago some boys near here got bored and to liven things up dipped the cats tail in kerosene and set it on fire. Expecting it to just go around in circles squawlling, they were shocked to see it head straight for the barn, littered with straw. Then they had to explain why the barn caught on fire. (Shades of Samson?)

Then there was a story from Beardstown, Il where two men thought they would turpentine a cat. All went as planned until the kitty was turned loose – it went about ten feet, did a 180, and jumped on his bald-headed friend’s head and started clawing in! He said they never engaged in that “sport” anymore.

Then years ago a kid thought it would be funny to lift up the horse’s (remember them) tail and put a corn-cob crossway under it. That’s what he did one day. Said he spent most of the next day helping his dad nail the siding back on the barn. (I was happy to see tractors taking over the farm work – I was kicked once by a horse, and at the county fair one tried to bite me – and I wasn’t doing anything to them)

Cockatoos are pretty little parrots. They’re so smart and talkitive. I remember the one from the Baretta shows of the 70’s. That one even answered a telephone once. He just lifted the receiver and chirped: “Hello!”

And I thought the Chewbacca Defense was stretching it…

How did the elk get drunk?