Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 29, 2021

No preamble needed for tonight’s hit-and-run joke. (Should that be “joke-and-run”?)

A nurse walks into the examination room and tells the doctor he needs to sign some important medical documents. “I’ll be right out, just as soon as I start taking this patient’s temperature.”

Out in the reception area, she hands him the papers. He sits down and begins to sign. However, his signature doesn’t appear on the dotted lines.

“What’s wrong with this pen, Nurse?” he asks impatiently.

“Um, that’s not a pen, Sir – that’s a thermometer.”

The doctor takes a close look and says, “You’re right; this IS a thermometer. Where’s my pen?”

This joke is pretty stupid: A man is in a bar. A grasshopper jumps up on the chair next to him and orders a beer or something. “Hey,” the man says, “did you know there’s a drink named after you?” The grasshopper raises its grasshopper eyebrows. “There’s a drink called Denise?”

Aww, poor seal. :(

Only one of those spellings was used by Adam Sandler.

Hippos? Well, this joke is dumb, but so are they.

A man and his Hippo walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my Hippopotamus.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back.

Suddenly, the Hippopotamus falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a Hippopotamus.”.

Until next time.

What more could you want?!? They’ve made it as easy as possible to spell it correctly.

That makes a hundred more voters for the socialists!

And the hope is the hippos will be evenly divided as to political leanings, thus avoiding being stereotyped.

Take care, may wannabe extremist Pylapoo “Wanna Make Something Of It?” Rittenplord be with you, and gesundheit.

Chappy Chanuckah!

Happy Festival of Lights to all who celebrate it.

I once asked my class to spell Albuquerque. I got 24 different versions and none of them correct.

And more than 15 million ways to mispronounce it.

so there is no correct spelling for Hanukkah?

Norma and Sonia were talking about their grandchildren after the holidays.

Norma said, "My daughter-in-law stopped making my grandchildren send their ‘thank you’ notes. Each year I sent the grandchildren a card with a generous check inside. I always received a lovely `thank you’ note. However, since my daughter-in-law stopped making the grandkids send thank you notes, I never hear from them.

“Sonia said, “My daughter-in-law never made the grandchildren send `thank you’ notes. I too sent them a very generous check. However, for the past several years, I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit.”

“Wow,” remarked Norma. “I wish mine would do that.”

“You can, Norma, you can.” “How?” Norma asked.

“Simple. Do what I do.

Don’t sign the check."

There are efforts to grant “personhood” to non-humans. This includes animals (other than humans), plants, and bodies of water. In some cases, supporters of the non-humans have gone to court. In other cases, the effort has been to get new laws passed in the various countries.

With personhood, an entity may have legal represntation.

I fully support “personhood” for k-9 police and military dogs who are true heroes along with their handlers and who often hold official rank.

They voted for biden

And all of Pablo Escobar’s hippos voted for Stacy Abrams because they thought she was one of them. An honest mistake.

We banned plastic straws because a turtle was hurt by one, so I can’t wait for the campaign to ban aluminum cans to get off the ground.

So, have the hippos been arrested for indecent exposure?

How about the guy who has CT tattoed on his private part. Later it said Chattanoga Tennessee!

You forgot Canoga (Park)