Greetings, All! I’ve often told true stories on this forum, but they’ve usually involved me, or at least something I’ve witnessed first hand. This story differs, but I have no doubt as to its veracity – believe it or not.
In the eighties, my wife and I had a friend who lived in Paris. At the time (things may have changed by now) restaurants were unaccustomed to wrapping up leftover food for the patrons; what wasn’t eaten was left on the plate to be discarded. She told us of a friend she dined with once who wanted to take her leftovers home to enjoy later, and, when told it wasn’t done there, the friend said, “Don’t worry – I’ll just tell our waiter I’m taking the leftovers back for my dog.” She did so, and a few minutes later the waiter came back, bearing a much bigger package than she had anticipated.
“Madam, you have a lucky dog tonight!” the server said. “Not only are your leftovers in here; I scraped the plates of several other diners, as well. Wish Monsieur Pooch ‘Bon Appetit!’ for me.”
Leeches, eh? There weren’t many jokes mentioning leeches to choose from. I’ll go with this one.
A missionary is treading the dangerous jungle. He’s been walking for weeks and has suffered mosquitoes, mud slides, leeches, dysentery and of course the unbearable heat and humidity. He’s exhausted but in a few days he’ll reach his destination.
Suddenly, a huge tiger leaps up from the bushes right in front of him. She’s clearly hungry and approaches him menacingly. The missionary is at the limit of his reserves and if he tries to run he’ll surely be mauled.
Without hesitation he drops on his knees and places his life in the hands of God:
“Oh Lord! Give this tiger christian values!” he exclaims, hoping the tiger will choose to not commit violence.
The clouds shift, a ray of light falls on the tiger and she immediately kneels exclaiming:
Specially raised leeches are used on reattached digits when circulation is very impaired. They have a local anesthetic to prevent pain when attached and use anticoagulant to thin the blood and improve circulation. It often saves a reattachment.
Do I have to delete my leech joke if I want to add a sauna joke? Anybody? O.K., hearing no objections, here goes.
Three women were sitting in a sauna, one German, one Japanese and one hillbilly. Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questioningly.
“That was my pager,” she said. “I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm.”
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, " that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The HILLBILLY woman finally said, “Well, will you look at that. I’m getting a FAX.”
The leeches would be scary for me. I am not terrified of leeches, though they creep me out, but to use one as a medical device, no thank you. The only time, up to date anyway, of where leeches were on me was when I was a small child and I was covered in leeches after getting out the water. I do not remember it, but my mother certainly does. It was so upsetting for her.
Medicinal maggots were also approved by the FDA in 2004 — those fly larvae that are least invasive on live hosts have been used therapeutically, to remove dead tissue from wounds, and promote healing.
eromlig almost 3 years ago
Greetings, All! I’ve often told true stories on this forum, but they’ve usually involved me, or at least something I’ve witnessed first hand. This story differs, but I have no doubt as to its veracity – believe it or not.
In the eighties, my wife and I had a friend who lived in Paris. At the time (things may have changed by now) restaurants were unaccustomed to wrapping up leftover food for the patrons; what wasn’t eaten was left on the plate to be discarded. She told us of a friend she dined with once who wanted to take her leftovers home to enjoy later, and, when told it wasn’t done there, the friend said, “Don’t worry – I’ll just tell our waiter I’m taking the leftovers back for my dog.” She did so, and a few minutes later the waiter came back, bearing a much bigger package than she had anticipated.
“Madam, you have a lucky dog tonight!” the server said. “Not only are your leftovers in here; I scraped the plates of several other diners, as well. Wish Monsieur Pooch ‘Bon Appetit!’ for me.”
pearlsbs almost 3 years ago
Just add one.
Templo S.U.D. almost 3 years ago
Bautista must have quite the tan after having a daily sauna trip.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
Leeches, eh? There weren’t many jokes mentioning leeches to choose from. I’ll go with this one.
A missionary is treading the dangerous jungle. He’s been walking for weeks and has suffered mosquitoes, mud slides, leeches, dysentery and of course the unbearable heat and humidity. He’s exhausted but in a few days he’ll reach his destination.
Suddenly, a huge tiger leaps up from the bushes right in front of him. She’s clearly hungry and approaches him menacingly. The missionary is at the limit of his reserves and if he tries to run he’ll surely be mauled.
Without hesitation he drops on his knees and places his life in the hands of God:
“Oh Lord! Give this tiger christian values!” he exclaims, hoping the tiger will choose to not commit violence.
The clouds shift, a ray of light falls on the tiger and she immediately kneels exclaiming:
“Oh Lord! Bless this meal we are about to eat!”
Until next time.
Copy-&-Paste almost 3 years ago
I believe you!! You’d be boiling green mad too if you had to sit in the sauna for 45min each day!!
Bilan almost 3 years ago
Why use leeches when you can get the same effect by donating blood?
FreyjaRN Premium Member almost 3 years ago
Specially raised leeches are used on reattached digits when circulation is very impaired. They have a local anesthetic to prevent pain when attached and use anticoagulant to thin the blood and improve circulation. It often saves a reattachment.
therese_callahan2002 almost 3 years ago
Does anyone remember a movie called The Leech Woman?
therese_callahan2002 almost 3 years ago
Try convincing the boys from Stand By Me about those leeches.
joe piglet Premium Member almost 3 years ago
Looks more like a lamprey eel then a leech.
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 3 years ago
They’ve also been approved politicians since the late 1700s.
Take care, may cross-eyed ballot counter Hank “Democracy Is Over Rated Anyway” Bastord be with you, and gesundheit.
artegal almost 3 years ago
I bet it would suck to have to have leeches used on yourself.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
Do I have to delete my leech joke if I want to add a sauna joke? Anybody? O.K., hearing no objections, here goes.
Three women were sitting in a sauna, one German, one Japanese and one hillbilly. Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questioningly.
“That was my pager,” she said. “I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm.”
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, " that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The HILLBILLY woman finally said, “Well, will you look at that. I’m getting a FAX.”
Until next time.
walt1968pat Premium Member almost 3 years ago
Really not a bad way to end the day.
makinen6602 almost 3 years ago
at least the comments on today’s strip
JoshHere almost 3 years ago
Boo! To the FDA for calling the beautiful leeches “Medical Devices”, they are living beings, how disrespectful
FrankErnesto almost 3 years ago
Leeches are also common in the legal profession.
dv1093 almost 3 years ago
Interesting, but not unbelieveable.
The Pro from Dover almost 3 years ago
So my ex is an FDA-approved medical device?
joeatwork212 almost 3 years ago
Ever watch “African Queen”?
mindjob almost 3 years ago
I’d like to know what testing was done with leeches to comply with CFR 21 part 820 to comply with medical device requirements
spaced man spliff almost 3 years ago
Humphrey Bogart in the African Queen HATED leeches.
the humorist formerly known as Hotshot1984 Premium Member almost 3 years ago
The leeches would be scary for me. I am not terrified of leeches, though they creep me out, but to use one as a medical device, no thank you. The only time, up to date anyway, of where leeches were on me was when I was a small child and I was covered in leeches after getting out the water. I do not remember it, but my mother certainly does. It was so upsetting for her.
JRMadDog Premium Member almost 3 years ago
Medicinal maggots were also approved by the FDA in 2004 — those fly larvae that are least invasive on live hosts have been used therapeutically, to remove dead tissue from wounds, and promote healing.