Somewhere in this great nation is a top-secret government agency in charge of providing aid to America's nonhuman citizenry. Perpetually overworked and underpaid, these dedicated civil servants soldier on with a dedication exceeded only by their respective passions for heavy rifles, stylish footwear, and good, sturdy, squeaky toys. They're not our country's best nor our country's brightest, but to all the lost and lonely creations of misguided science wandering the wild places of this country, they are a beacon of minimum-wage hope. This is their story.