The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for May 11, 2019

Wasn’t there a Bic pen commercial many years ago about how they kept going and going?

Speedy Parker was his name.

Now that’s funny!

Apparently, he couldn’t take the heat.

She’s really Cross with him now. He’ll soon find out it was wrong to Parker and go off looking elsewhere.

He’s a smooth roller but he needs to learn when to retract.

Works first time, every time.

She knew he’d run out one day.

What’s the point?

Ah, Parker Pens! Once a bulwark of manufacturing in Janesville, Wisconsin, back when America still made things. (One of their high schools is named Parker.) Good union jobs, too. Sadly gone the way of the passenger pigeon. Even worse was when the century-old GM plant closed down. All of this chronicled in the depressing 2017 book Janesville: An American Story by Amy Goldstein.

Footnote to history: Wisconsin’s 1st Congressional District was purposely gerrymandered by the Republican-controlled legislature to include a little “thumb” sticking into Janesville that just happened to include the home of Rep. Paul Ryan. But the City of Janesville as a whole is overwhelmingly Democratic, so that was just their friendly way of accommodating Ryan’s desire to be voted on mainly by Republicans.

Imagine the shock when the baby came out half Parker, half MontBlanc!

That shouldn’t have happened. Didn’t you say you were using spermicidal gel ink?

Can you imagine that? The father disappearing upon finding out the woman is pregnant – Ridiculous! Great work of fiction, Hilburn!

So, Lady PENelope finally got it together with Parker.

I’ve never seen a pen with a baby bump before.

Not to be confused with Peni Parker.

He’s not worth the paper he wrote in on.