The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for May 11, 2024

Boy Oh Boy!

(While I’m in college, I waitress at a dine-in movie theater. One evening, I have a couple of teenage boys in my section. Because they’re sitting weirdly far apart and keep exchanging nervous glances, I ping them as an adorable couple, albeit one that hasn’t spent much time together in public, as this is in a conservative state.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name], and I’ll be your server this evening. Can I get you anything to drink while you look over our menu?”

Boy #1: “I’ll take a root beer.”

Boy #2: “[Soda], please.”

Me: “And will that be together or separate?”

(Both freeze slightly, but [Boy #2] reaches over and takes [Boy #1]’s hand.)

Boy #2: “To… together. We’re together.”

Me: deliberately nonchalantly “I just need to know if you’re getting separate checks.”

(Both visibly relax and move closer to each other.)

Boy #2: “One check, please. He paid for the tickets, so I’m getting dinner.”

Me: “Solid plan. We’ll have those drinks right out for you.”

(I make sure to go above and beyond with them, and each time I see them, they look more comfortable. By the time I go to cash them out, [Boy #1] is curled up on the seat with his head in [Boy #2]’s lap.)

Boy #2: signs credit card slip and returns it “Hey, miss? You were excellent. Thank you.”

Me: “Are you kidding? You’re the cutest couple I’ve ever seen. You made my night. Possibly my week. Enjoy the show.”

(Three years later, I still randomly think about the Extremely Cute Couple, and I hope they’re still together.)

NOT my story.

That’s a qu ..ixotic thing for the device to say.

Scott may hear from her!!!!

She has her problems!

She’s not very gay about that!

So suck it up, buttercup!

Immediately after MTG wanted to return hers because it kept telling her to go left.

And guess why Bernie Sanders was in line.

LOL – Well played!

Forward. Never straight.

Very minimalist drawing, but captures her.

Both funny and kind of dumb. Still, I’ll give it a like.

Straight scewdriver or Phillip

Lame

funny

It tells you to go straight, but in such a gay voice.

Ms. Degeneres puts the Ellen “lesbian”.

There are very few LGBTQIA+ subcribers on Straight Talk Cellular.

It does usually say “continue”…

That’s the same advice my parole officer gave me.

It wanted you to follow the road. Silly Ellen.

Usually the comics start my day off with a smile. Not today.

Going straight meant going through a cornfield.

Gee. You’d think she could at least exchange it for a Toaster Oven.

When I upload my GPS data it’s nothing but a bunch of straight lines when displayed … it strikes a chord in the diameter of my mind.

At least she’s not returning the toaster.

Not touching this one. :)

She could stand to go “straight” in the sense of honest and proper. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, ask her former employees.

Give this some thot: Who other than Ellen Degeneres would have fit so well in the role depicted above?

the clerk is thinking to herself, what a queer request…

Same theme as Baldo today — there’s such a thing as being overly sensitive!