Never bathed a cat, but did have to dip them after moving into a house that had a dog with lots of fleas. Once the fleas were gone that was the end of forced getting wet.
This wasn’t the one I remembered reading, but it’s close:
How to Bathe a Cat
Step 1:
Find cat. This may seem a rather obvious initial step, but cats can be particularly resourceful at devising stealth tactics should they suspect a dunking is imminent. So check the stairs, behind the sofa, in the clothes dryer, up the chimney, in your neighbor’s sock drawer, Mars.
Step 2:
Place cat in sink/bath. At this point, suddenly realizing you’ve forgotten the cat shampoo bottle, fetch it and return.
Step 3:
Find cat and place in sink/bath, again.
Step 4:
Softly repeat comforting phrases like “good kitty,” but be aware that the sole purpose of such verbal reassurances is to build your self-confidence and resolve. They will have absolutely no pacifying effect on the animal.
Step 5:
Place cotton balls in cat’s ears. This is not to prevent water getting in, but to avoid further frightening the cat from your screams.
Step 6:
Turn on faucet, pouring water and shampoo over cat. Attempt to lather.
Step 7:
Remove cat from head and return hissing, scratching, wailing animal to sink/bath. Reach for towel to wipe soap and blood (yours) from face.
Step 8:
Find cat, again.
Step 9:
Slip on wet, soapy floor while attempting to replace enraged cat back in bath/sink.
Step 10:
After regaining consciousness, find cat again.
Step 11:
Return drenched, soapy, howling, cat to sink/bath. Lather, rinse, towel dry, and release.
Step 12:
Crawl to phone and call 911 to request assistance. While waiting for ambulance, disinfect any area where excrement may have been deposited; also check if the cat left any.
Step 13:
Relax for well-deserved New Year’s rest – while being carried out on stretcher.
stairsteppublishing about 12 hours ago
Never bathed a cat, but did have to dip them after moving into a house that had a dog with lots of fleas. Once the fleas were gone that was the end of forced getting wet.
sergioandrade Premium Member about 11 hours ago
To quote “How to live With a Calculating Cat” the hard part is keeping the blood off the clean cat.
Willi Nilli Premium Member about 10 hours ago
2 panels, 5 Gingers! She would be proud!
akachman Premium Member about 7 hours ago
Cats truly don’t need baths. Humans do. Cats are very clean and they don’t stink. A purr-fect pet.
fthiel about 5 hours ago
Right up there with giving a cat a pill.
ChessPirate about 4 hours ago
This wasn’t the one I remembered reading, but it’s close:
How to Bathe a Cat
Step 1:
Find cat. This may seem a rather obvious initial step, but cats can be particularly resourceful at devising stealth tactics should they suspect a dunking is imminent. So check the stairs, behind the sofa, in the clothes dryer, up the chimney, in your neighbor’s sock drawer, Mars.
Step 2:
Place cat in sink/bath. At this point, suddenly realizing you’ve forgotten the cat shampoo bottle, fetch it and return.
Step 3:
Find cat and place in sink/bath, again.
Step 4:
Softly repeat comforting phrases like “good kitty,” but be aware that the sole purpose of such verbal reassurances is to build your self-confidence and resolve. They will have absolutely no pacifying effect on the animal.
Step 5:
Place cotton balls in cat’s ears. This is not to prevent water getting in, but to avoid further frightening the cat from your screams.
Step 6:
Turn on faucet, pouring water and shampoo over cat. Attempt to lather.
Step 7:
Remove cat from head and return hissing, scratching, wailing animal to sink/bath. Reach for towel to wipe soap and blood (yours) from face.
Step 8:
Find cat, again.
Step 9:
Slip on wet, soapy floor while attempting to replace enraged cat back in bath/sink.
Step 10:
After regaining consciousness, find cat again.
Step 11:
Return drenched, soapy, howling, cat to sink/bath. Lather, rinse, towel dry, and release.
Step 12:
Crawl to phone and call 911 to request assistance. While waiting for ambulance, disinfect any area where excrement may have been deposited; also check if the cat left any.
Step 13:
Relax for well-deserved New Year’s rest – while being carried out on stretcher.
Vegetable Patch 62/-46 17 minutes ago
This reminds me of Pete the writers’s trouble, not Jacob’s ladder.
What does a Pete do when his column’s reader totals fall like a drop cloth from a New York Ranger helmet?
Pete looks for another column to read and then write about.