Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for April 03, 2024

Transcript:

velveeta-brie survey sparks ugly cheese incidents the release of a survey that divides the d.c. area by cheese preferences his apparently provoked a series of ugly incidents. a velveeta truck that strayed into sandy spring, md, a brie stronghold, was crushed flat by an angry mob. driver: hey! while in capitol heights, velveeta ter-ritory, a mr. curdee brie stand was firebombed. the owner was uninjured. worker: oh, swell experts not at loss for words in ugly cheese incidents spumoni: we may be in for a string of velveeta-brie incidents, like the vienna sausage-prosciutto riots of '83 or the wonder bread-croissant rampage last year. there is a possibility it could escalate into a full blown ugly cheese war. dr. joseph spumoni, american snack council ugly cheese war narrowly avoided fears of a long hot february receded today when both sides of the increasingly fractious velveeta-brie struggle discovered a shared fondness for cheez whiz. guy 1: it's runny like brie! guy 2: it's orange like velveeta! woman: gracious, now what? heavily armed circus peanut cult in standoof with fbi