Jack Ohman for March 28, 2024

Seriously? The most Biblically-illiterate person in the United States selling official Trump-endorsed Bibles?

Will the next promo be… “And for the low, low additional price of $9.99 he’ll send a Bible personally autographed with the IMMACULATE INSCRIPTIONS from his favorite porn star Stormy Daniels and his favorite Playboy nude model Karen McDougal.”

Favorite scripture: “Blessed are the pü$$¥-grabbers, for theirs is the kingdom of MAGA.”

It’s the DJT version: King James updated and corrected, to replace all instances of the word “God” with “Trump.”

And naturally, the book combines the Bible with the Constitution and Declaration of Independence, our founding documents, in direct violation of the separation of church and state implicit in their texts.

Is there really no bottom to how low Trump is willing to go?

Is there no bottom to the depravity of Trump’s shamelessness?

Are they just having a contest now to see how ridiculous they can get without losing any of their cult worshippers?

Watch out for lightning strikes!

….Honor thy father and mother IF they give you a billion dollars.

To quote the Dead Kennedys’ “Moral Majority” from “In God We Trust, Incorporated”: God is dead if you’re alive. Holy Caligula! Someone finally changed it to “Let us prey”.

OMG!

I can confidentially predict one skit that will appear on SNL this week …

Perfect! The Antichrist hawking bibles!

‘Thou shalt have no gods before Donald J. Trump’ (revised from Exodus 20:3-5).

Yeah. The guy who had peaceful protestors tear gassed so he could walk to a church and hold a bible upside-down . . . is now selling them.

Oh look its the most evil person in America pretending to be holy to give vicious republicans an excuse to destroy the freedoms in the USA.

Notice none of the Maga morons who usually infect this forum are here defending the fool? Even they are disgusted.

Yes, I noticed how “prey” is spelled…

He has made the seven deadly sins into recommendations for a lifestyle. Also there was a demotion of the Ten Commandments to be the ten suggestions.

Unto us a con has come…

THE BIBLE, AMERICAN FLAG AND CONSTITUTION… ALL JUST MEANINGLESS PROPS FOR TRUMPUTIN.

So, he just rebranded the congressman’s bible?

Once you give him your card number for the purchase, the payments will never end.

The King Trump version. Can he sink any lower? Stupid question. Of course he can.

You don’t know how low Rock Bottom is, until you’ve hit Rock Bottom!

Ohman forgot three things:

1) The offer comes with a copy of the US Constitution — yet more to completely ignore;

2) This is the guy who bragged he didn’t read books; and

3) The Ochre Ogre is holding this book right side up (so to speak), not upside down, as is his usual habit in photo ops with the Bible.

Optional list entry:

Yes, it IS difficult to portray one alleged human being in all the horrific splendor akin to existing in an extended, never-ending episode of The Twilight Zone written by Stephen King…

… while on a constant drip of the brown acid Woodstockians were warned not to take.

But, hey, Jack — give that depiction a shot!

Trump would sell his grandmother if he can make a dollar from it.

I wonder if Florida will replace the Bible with this version.

Yet another tRump ploy that will get the evangelical vote despite the obvious hypocrisy of tRump. They oppose what Jesus taught. Today’s evangelicals are the ’modern-day pharisees".

I wonder what they look like? Faux gold leaf?

Whenever trump holds up a Bible, the fact that it doesn’t explode makes it really hard for me to believe in a supreme being.

tRump wouldn’t say Let Us Prey. To him it would be Lettuce Spray.

Watch out for the fine print on those “45 E-Z payments”… you’ll probably be automatically signed up to make 45 payments of $59.95 each…

Moses Pray, in da flesh!

It also includes the Constitution, so I’m guessing he also trimmed the First Amendment accordingly.

Verily he sayeth unto you,

“Thou shalt not record thyself committing covfefe and later sendeth it to underage girls – that’s how they got Weiner.”

– from the Holy Book of Weiner Wiener Whining, New Test!cle . . . on sale now, in the lobby, and online.

More ghost- and demon-written titles in the brand new Trumpian-Gothic Horror-Humor category, already waiting in the on-deck circle along publishers’ row:

- The Apprentice’s Book of the Dead: Spells to Spellbind

- Charming with Smarm: The Gift of the Grift

- The Self-Made Man: Pulling on Bootstraps After Daddy’s $413 Million Gifts

- How to Burn Through Your $200+ Million Inheritance & Con Folks You’re Smart

- The Bully’s & Fanboy’s Guide to Strongman Worship

- The MAGA Cult Book of the Braindead

- WideCasting: The Art of Projecting Inadequacies & Failures Onto Everyone Else

- The One Second Manager: Sign the Check and Move On

- Care & Feeding & Fleecing of Zombie Followers

- POOF, You’re Clear! Bending Bankruptcy Laws, Erasing the Public’s Memory, and Breaking Belief Systems

- Top 100 Secrets to Instant Global Disgust and Distrust

- Skating Justice While Complaining About Lawbreakers

- Top Ten Steps to Victimizing Everyday People: Don’t Let Infirmities or Differences Stop Your Cruelty!

- SECRETS: Things the Government Doesn’t Want You to Know, Steal, or Keep

- Insurrection for Amateurs: The Step-by-Step Coloring Book

- STIFF ’EM! No More Vendor Paydays – No How, No Way!

- Hypocrite’s Guide to Steering Weak Political Parties, Authoritarian Personalties, and Religious Espousers

- The Big Book of Conspiracy Fantasies, Clouded Half-Truths, and Time-Tested Propaganda – with Foreward by Joseph Goebbels

- Foreign Agents 101: Everything You Wanted to Know About Spies, Hackers, and Influencers But Were Terrified to Ask

- THE BIG SKIM: The Beginner’s Guide to Forcing Others to Pay Your Entire Way in Life

- The Mein Kampf Daily Quotations Calendar & Diary

- Grab ’em by the Wallet: Tales of The False Profit

- Norms Are for Normal People: Coloring Outside the Lines & Thinking Outside the Cellblock

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

[your turn, please]

Who knew the hucksterisms of RONCO would be replaced by DONCO -

“Isn’t that amazing?”

“How much would you expect to pay for this Bible?”

“$500?”

“$400?”

“NO, for only $59.99 you can have this genuine, pleather-bound, autographed, copy.”

“BUY NOW – QUANTITIES ARE LIMITED – THE FIRST 1000 ORDERS WILL RECEIVE A VIAL OF HOLY WATER PASSED BY JESUS HIMSELF!”

“OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY!”

“DIAL 1 800 IMA PUTZ, TODAY!”

and now back to Roller Derby . . .

I would check where it was printed. A book of the Constitution and related documents bought at Costco was printed in China!

His version is for speed readers—there are only three commandments!

Imagine what Trump could do the Koran or Voltaire? Time for bed.

Did anyone else think of that movie, “Paper Moon” about the con who read the obituaries, then knocked on their door and said they were delivering the personalized Bible the deceased had ordered (COD, of course)?

This is the level that Diaper Don is at. Only he ain’t no Ryan O’Neil. And he’s worse since this is just one of his grifts.

makes for an easier read

All this (not you DD Wiz) from a man who can’t speak in complete sentences nor read nor spell and is slowly disolving into dementia. It’s frightening that his worshippers want him in the White House. It would be the end of us!

But you can get your picture taken with 3 democrat Presidents for $50,000 a pop!!!

King James Bible, not the whole thing. And he wants to add “Thou shalt not kill” to the removed passages.