Arlo and Janis by Jimmy Johnson for October 05, 2015

No. Crazy is stealing a car, crashing it into a bank, robbing it, making a getaway in a UPS truck, driving to one of the delivery addresses to take a hostage, fleeing to the Canadian border, knocking out the hostage, then ripping out his teeth to make identification difficult, and setting fire to the truck.

The lily has wilted.

The plum is now a prune.

The old fire is now an ember.

Not so fast, Ramundo. Maybe now her tastes prefer a fancy hotel room.

I’m sorry, Mr. Johnson, but you didn’t even come close to showing how dejected that any husband would (have a right to) feel, after such a rejection by his wife.

One word, gentlemen : Bruises.

Now I understand why Arlo likes boats so much.

Janis used to show some cleavage!

When you are talking about a piece of prime real estate like Janis then it is location location location.

When I was in my teens, the fellow I was dating at the time took me to a local “sweet spot”, by a lake. If we left the windows down the mosquitos ate us alive and when we rolled the windows up we sweltered. I think we lasted ten minutes, and decided it wasn’t any fun. The police seldom bothered to patrol that section; nobody stuck around very long.

This had better be a wind-up to Janis setting up a slam-bang hot and wet weekend, or Jimmy Johnson’s gonna have a lot to answer for. Otherwise, they’re just slowly morphing into Maggie and Jinx or that miserable couple over at Freshly Squeezed.

What food is it that totally destroys a woman’s desire for sex?Wedding cake. That’s life buddy.

Janis is so romantic.

My wife and I tried that once, but it was too rough on the knees. On the sandy beach (in the middle of the night) was a lot more fun, comfortable, and breezy.

Janis is the most un-romantic woman…

if I knew then what I know now, that would have spoiled it all somehow, when the days stretched out before us like a long, long Texas road. . . .

But wait a minute, maybe that wasn’t Janis…….oops!