Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for July 06, 2024

Your Mouth Jiggles Too Much

My coworker has recently started a “weight loss shot” and can’t stop talking about it. I am 5’6” tall and 120 pounds. Despite being a healthy weight, working out, and watching what I eat and drink, people seem to always want to pitch their weight loss aides. I’ve heard it so many times that I don’t even bother being nice about my rejections.

Coworker: “It’s great. Like, mind-blowingly easy to lose weight. [My Name], if you want I can get you—”

Me: “No.”

Coworker: Uncomfortable laugh “Well, I mean, you’re not fat, but your legs jiggle, so—”

Me: “No.”

Coworker: “I’m not being rude. I’m just—”

Me: “You are.”

She puts her hand on my shoulder.

Coworker: “No, listen. I’m—”

I grab her hand and look her in the eye.

Me: “You’re trying to tell me I need something I don’t need, nor do I want. I’ve told you no repeatedly, and you keep pushing. It is rude.”

She walked away in a huff, but she never tried to tell me to lose weight again, so it’s all good!

NOT MY STORY but, I have been done this way!

That’s what little books are for: toilet reading. I don’t need drama. I have cats.

I do not wish to know that!

Oi! My eyes! I can’t UNsee Aunty sitting on the ‘throne’. Scarred forever, I am.

It helps her unload all the inside poop that’s fit to s—t.

Get in, drop your load and get out. I don’t need a ring around my cheeks.

Aunty perfect role model for how not to live your life.

…….way to much information.

Drama Club

As good a reason as any, I guess.

Aunty, you are so full of s#!t.

And you’re providing your input.

How much of a loser do you have to be, to have to take your phone to the toilet?

TMI

Much like the irrational comments whenever politics or God is mentioned…

you just have to grin at the cluelessness of taking your phone into the loo with you. guys blabbing away while in a public crapper in particular… ☺

And I thought that I was the only one who did that!