Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for December 21, 2024

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    Yakety Sax  about 19 hours ago

    This Is Why I Use The Self-Checkout

    I work as a cashier in a store that has a credit card. We used to be prompted by the register to offer it to specific customers, but now management wants us to ask every customer who doesn’t already have one, without exception, and they expect us to have a high success rate. As you can imagine, all this achieves is annoying customers and making us cashiers dread an already dreadful job.

    My manager watches me finish a transaction.

    Manager: “Why didn’t you encourage that customer to sign up for a card?”

    Me: “They’re a regular here. I saw them yesterday, and I asked them then. They said no.”

    Manager: “But today is a new day.”

    Me: “I think I would just end up annoying them if I asked them again today.”

    Manager: “There’s always a way if you’re passionate enough about the product.”

    Me: “I don’t think that’ll work.”

    Manager: “I want to see you try it again on this next customer walking over.”

    Me: Looking over “I don’t think so; that’s another regular. They’ve already told us quite clearly they’re not interested.”

    Manager: “Here, let me show you how I would do it.”

    This next customer comes over, and I ring up the items and state the total.

    Manager: “Hi, sir! Would you like to save 20% on your order today by signing up for a [Store] credit card today?

    Customer: “I’d rather s*** in my hands and clap.”

    Manager: “…well, all righty, then! You have a great day!”

    The customer pays and leaves. I am staring at the manager.

    Manager: “…not a word!”

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    Yakety Sax  about 19 hours ago

    Behold The Field In Which I Grow My Fs. Lay Thine Eyes Upon It And Thou Shalt See That It Is Barren, Part 4

    It is not long after the stores have reopened back to normal operating procedures after the lockdowns. I am the sole cashier, and the line is about four customers long. A customer at the back shouts at me.

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME? Are you going to call more people to ring?”

    Me: “It’s just me right now.”

    Customer: “Well this is crazy! You should hire more cashiers!”

    Me: “We do but it’s hard to retain them for a long time because of all the customers.”

    Customer: “I don’t like what you’re implying.”

    Me: “Apologies.”

    Customer: “Good.”

    Me: “I apologize for making you think I was implying it. I was flat out telling you – explicitly – we can’t retain staff because of the customers.”

    Customer: “You think you can talk to the customers like that?!”

    Me: “When I am the only one willing to come in and work the checkout on my own for three hours in the early morning, yes, I do.”

    The customer went back to grumbling. I did not stop or slow down ringing out items during this entire exchange.

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    Yakety Sax  about 19 hours ago

    These Scamming Attempts Are Getting Hairy

    Working in a brewpub kitchen nearly a decade ago. It was a little after the dinner rush, so only three cooks are on the line.

    The Front Of House Manager for the night, a generally chill guy, storms back into the kitchen, points at us, and barks:

    Manager: “Any of you working on anything important?”

    We all say no.

    Manager: “Good, come with me, all of you.”

    He turns on his heel and marches out. This is unusual behavior, so we all run out after him very confused. He leads us into the dining room and right through to a table where the woman has a face like she’s facing the Germans at the Bulge and the man has a look of long-suffering.

    Manager: Points at us and very harshly says. “Ma’am. These are the cooks for the evening. The only cooks for the past hour. There is no way they are responsible for this hair!”

    The woman had claimed there were several mid-length blonde hairs in her food. The servers are all brunette or color-dyed. The sous had a cop cut, my buddy shaved his head.

    As for me? I’m balding and look like I should be teaching medieval literature.

    Their hairy scam did not work.

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    Yakety Sax  about 19 hours ago

    Survey Says: Bad Boss

    I work at a Mexican fast food chain. At the bottom of every receipt is a link and a code for an online survey. During a quiet period, my manager comes over to me.

    Manager: “I need you to go through the trash.”

    Me: “Go… through it?”

    Manager: “Find all the receipts that customers have thrown away.”

    Me: “Okay. Why?”

    Manager: “I want you to get as many codes for the online survey as you can find and fill them out so that the store can get a better rating. We’re too low in the region’s leagues.”

    Me: “Isn’t that lying?”

    Manager: “It’s either that or our store keeps a low rating! They keep complaining about long wait times!”

    Me: “Why not just put on more staff? We’ve all been asking for more hours.”

    Manager: “Oh, [My Name], saying s*** like that is why you’re about to go through the trash for me and why I’m a manager. Work smart, not hard.”

    Being sixteen years old, I went through the trash and got a few survey codes for him. I also got a lot more for myself, and when I got home, I left nothing but negative reviews complaining about understaffing. Work smart!

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    Yakety Sax  about 19 hours ago

    Happy Holidays, Kiddo!

    When I was around five or six, I went driving with my mom and grandparents to look at Christmas lights. There was this one house that went all out. One of the things they had was the word “Noel” lit up. I heard my mom and grandparents talking about it, and of course, I wanted to be part of the excitement.

    Me: “Can we go to the house without an L on it, please?! I wanna see the house with no L!”

    I heard them saying “Noel” and interpreted it as “There’s no L on that house!” I don’t know why I was so excited about it, but let me tell you, that story has been repeated SO MANY TIMES!

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    Yakety Sax  about 19 hours ago

    The Keeper Of The Coin

    I am working Christmas Day at a diner my family runs. I don’t mind so much, but we do get a few entitled customers who seem to be surprised that there are other diners who also chose today to eat here, and they are upset that they have to “share” the restaurant.

    One family I have served has been lovely. The parents are appreciative of us being open today, and the kids are polite and well-behaved. After I get them their check, they bring out a huge jar containing loose change.

    Customer: “Don’t worry! It’s not what you think! We’re not paying the check with loose change!”

    Me: “Oh, thank goodness! I was getting worried.”

    Customer: “No, this is your tip.”

    Me: “My tip?!”

    Customer: “Every year, my family puts our spare change in a jar starting in January, and we give it to someone at Christmas time. We used to give to a charity, but they closed due to corruption, so we’d rather give it to someone directly. You’ve helped us have great Christmas Day breakfasts for three years, so this year’s jar is for you.”

    Despite the nice gesture, at first, I am worried that I am going to be lumbered with a jar of pennies that won’t amount to much and will be more work than it’s worth to haul to a bank. But then I look closer, and I can see that the jar is entirely dollar coins.

    Me: “Oh… Oh, wow!”

    Customer: “Haha, yeah. It’s all dollar coins. When we get enough change, we bring them to the bank and exchange them for dollar coins. My son likes to collect them throughout the year.”

    Me: “Oh, my Gosh! Thank you so much! Merry Christmas!”

    Those kids got a free dessert, and I got a jar containing over $700!

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    FreyjaRN Premium Member about 19 hours ago

    The circus still exists?

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    Pickled Pete  about 19 hours ago

    (Comment Policy: We welcome thoughtful, respectful comments that stay on topic. Comments that don’t stay on topic may be removed…)

    Getting harder and harder to find the comments relating to Aunty Acid strip.

    ???

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    PraiseofFolly  about 18 hours ago

    A virtual Circus increasingly encircircles us, there’s no running TO it … rather, people would like to run FROM it. Freaky sideshows abound, and countless clowns spritz us with acidic seltzer water.

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    kendavis09  about 18 hours ago

    The traveling circus is unheard of anymore. Carnivals only at fairs and things like that.

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    jmworacle  about 17 hours ago

    Or they join Congress, or the House of Commons, or the House of Lords.

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    Justanolddude Premium Member about 14 hours ago

    People still turn into clowns, bearded ladies, fattest man and freak shows but they stopped running away.

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    jango  about 12 hours ago

    There was a Methodist church in hometown that closed years ago. Very nice building. Recently it was sold and there is a sign out front for School of Circus Arts.

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    rockyridge1977  about 12 hours ago

    ……….run and join Walmart!!!!

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    DawnQuinn1  about 12 hours ago

    After the results of the current election, I just might do that, but then I realize the circus is in Washington.

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    T577 Brown Bunny/Vegetable Patch 62   about 11 hours ago

    Running away with the circus certainly is not as trendy as walking home past the car wash and heading for the drug dramas that used to be soap operas.

    Avoid trends.

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    nananonie  about 11 hours ago

    Some time I feel like running away

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    ladykat  about 11 hours ago

    I don’t think so, Aunty.

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    dflak  about 11 hours ago

    Check the evening news.

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    walstib Premium Member about 11 hours ago

    About a century ago, as a teenager my great uncle ran away to join the circus, and he became the human cannonball.

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    Daltongang Premium Member about 10 hours ago

    Tell you “friend” Aunty, they can always use new acts in the freak show.

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    cuzinron47  about 9 hours ago

    Not anymore, but there’s still plenty of clowns.

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    mistercatworks  about 7 hours ago

    They don’t run away with The Grateful Dead either.

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    "Doon the Watter" on the Waverley  about 7 hours ago

    If your friend goes to a circus that is animal friendly I just may join you…. umm, err…. them….

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