Brewster Rockit by Tim Rickard for September 05, 2021

Ah. So Comcast Customer Support was recruited from the planet Zorg.

This explains so many things.

All depends on what the hold music is, in my opinion

Judging by the response time, planet Zorg has to be just a few miles away.

Zorg? Isn’t that where Calvin visits?

That’s DirecTV!

There should be a lot of “waiting on the line” (or “lag time” in communication) because of the time delay due to the fact the it takes time for the radio signal to travel from one place to another. Assuming planet Zorg to be out of our Solar System, that would mean many years even for a close planet. Even within our solar system, it would be minutes to hours.

I’m going for uncaring soulless.

About the same as us, so… no.

At least their English is intelligible.

I need for Zorg customer service to eliminate my credit card debt and find out why my social security benefits were canceled.

Not intelligent? While you sit on an open frequency so they triangulate your signal and pin-point your location?

If they start saying “press 1 for…” then they are truly diabolical

They’ll want you to sell you an extended warranty on the R.U. Sirius.

Please hold. Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. You are number (fill in the blank) in line.

Operators are not standing by…

Unfortunately, both evil and intelligent.

They need time to trace your call…

The Zorg are just responding in kind to the first response to their own attempt to contact earth.

“It is most gratifying," it said, "that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated, and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives … thank you.”

Planet Zorg. Calvin aka spaceman spiffy should be around somewhere