Brewster Rockit by Tim Rickard for November 12, 2023

Eight???? You should never … ever … tell somebody you’re going to invade them!

You said the survey would be AFTER the invasion. Sorry, but you get a zero for timing.

When you become invaded it’s only fair to answer their surveys at any rate…that’s the so-called “Squid pro quo”

Does it ever really improve their performance?

Aha. Just what the alien astronut theorists was always afraid of.

Just skip the survey already…

Love the art on this.

“How well does our invasion meet your idea of an ideal invasion? Please be specific, your information will be used to improve our invasion plan.”

I know of a local car dealership whose computer network was hijacked by hackers using ransomware demanding hundreds of thousands of dollars for its return. After attempts both in-house and from an outside cybersecurity company failed to resolve the issue in a timely manner, they caved in and paid the ransom. The hijackers freed their servers. Sure enough, shortly afterwards they received a “How was your hijacking experience?” survey from Surveymonkey asking for feedback. The hackers use the survey results to send to their future victims to show they are true to their word.

If you can’t afford your own analysts, can you afford an invasion?

Did we get a free t-shirt after the invasion?

Please hold the line…

“On a scale of one to ten, how likely are you to want us to invade you again?”

“Now, how much would you like to tip?”

The scale of 1 to 10, 10 – Very funny!

Answer or else!

Sorry. No satisfaction surveys until after the product is received.

Well the greeting was somewhat amicable.

“Invaders were poorly organized. Will not try again”.

Now this next question is very important for the improvement of our business model, what do you expect your chances are to survive our invasion?

Excellent, we love calamari.

The last question on the survey is do you prefer cocktail, tartar or marinara sauce.

Would you consider it totally awful, mostly awful, moderately awful, awful, slightly awful, totally bad, mostly bad, moderately bad, bad, slightly bad, totally mediocre, mostly mediocre, moderately mediocre, mediocre, slightly mediocre, totally fair, mostly fair, moderately fair, fair, slightly fair, slightly good, good, moderately good, mostly good, totally good, slightly excellent, excellent, moderately excellent, mostly excellent, or totally excellent.

Could you repeat those option?

They are only invading again because they got such low ratings last time.

“Would you just get it over with and kill us already!”