Close to Home by John McPherson for August 11, 2021

This being a comic strip, I’d say he’s not in pain, he’s just crawled in from the desert and desperately needs a glass of water.

It’s obvious he’s in a great deal of pain. That’s all you need to know! ;P

I’m guessing he’s giving birth to a precious little kidney stone

I hate that scale. Have a bilateral complete knee replacement and let me know how the 1 to 10 chart does.

He must have just heard how much it’s going to cost.

In my clinic, we used Allie Brosh’s new and improved pain level scale:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/02/boyfriend-doesnt-have-ebola-probably.html

“fzzzt , brap, pleh, wa-ooo, vrrrrrrrrreee, slorp.” *

“Okay Mr. Stimson, since you added a few more sound effects… I’m gonna go ahead and change that to a ten.”

NOTE: *only original McPherson sound effects used.

Doesn’t really matter, it’s just a courtesy. Now go have a seat, the doctor will be right with you.

How can you know what level 10 feels like?

How does it feel on a scale of one to stepping on a Lego barefoot?

“BBBLPPPP would have at least five ’P’s if it were a four.”

I might say a different level of pain in two minutes. It’s hard for me to say which it is…

Please have a seat. It will only be for a few hours…

As those here who work in ER’s, they can understand that maybe it’s just a pain level of none with an acting level of 10 to satisfy a drug craving of 10.

I sent the first version of this from 2010 (“Rate your pain”) to my primary care physician. She still uses it.

What? No preachy comments on how they should both be wearing masks?

I had a friend who was dying of bone cancer, and on the first visit from her hospice nurse he told her she couldn’t have a 10 pain level. I wanted to punch him!

WRONG! First she’ll need his insurance information.

20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Better make that 3 squared.

Poor guy looks like he got shot

Obviously the guys a drug seeker. We’ll prescribe useless aspirin at $85 per pill and another $3450 for the ER Visit. That will teach you what real pain is.

If she’s going to put down “3,” why is she pointing at “8”?

“Oooh eeh, ooh, ah, ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang….”