Close to Home by John McPherson for August 13, 2021

Defining human trafficking…

Those fish are going to start smelling real bad real soon.

I work at a grocery store, and spend most of my afternoons with refrigerated and frozen items.

That coolness may not last long with those doors wide open.

He’s gotta be based out of the Phoenix, AZ metro area. Go outside at around 2 pm or so here and it’s a BLOODY BLAST FURNACE!

Yinz showin’ some Pissburghese with them Whorley’s fish reference!

I wish it were a different truck; I had a weird fishy smell in one room in the house for two days this week. I was worried that it may have been something electrical, but the cords, outlets, and switches all seem fine, and the way the smell came and went didn’t correspond to any changes in the electrical load. It was strongest on Wednesday, and then yesterday it was definitely a come-and-go thing, and the weird thing was I’d go in the room after being out of it for a while, smell the odor, but while sniffing around trying to figure out where it was coming from I’d stop smelling it. Then it was you come in, get a faint whiff but then nothing, and it’s now appears to be gone entirely. I did unplug a few things in the interim to be on the safe side, but they weren’t turned on and hadn’t been turned on in weeks, so I’m not sure how they would spontaneous start shorting out. All in all, weird.

Hmmm, this sounds fishy to me! Four fins and a ride….

If he REALLY wants to hit the motherload, get a huge ice cream truck instead….

They won’t have to worry about their deodorant failing in there.

… in other news, a traffic accident involving a truck that was hauling fish revealed a strange sight to investigators. Rescuers said that when they were finally able to open the back of the truck, they discovered that some of the fish strangely looked just like… PEOPLE!

… stay tuned for live at five, report at six, details at ten, film at eleven.

Opportunities arise when the temperature does. I miss Hawaiian shave ice.

Where’s Bleeb?

Yep – when I visited my brother in Phoenix in August back in the day, everyone pretty much stayed indoors in the AC – or in their backyard pools. It seems that everyone in Phoenix has a pool. My brother’s car did not have air conditioning, so he had to keep socks over his gear shifts and a towel over his steering wheel when it was parked.

Something smells about this offer, but I can’t put my finger on it.

Do a joint promotion with a nearby sushi restaurant. After riding back there, the customers might develop a craving…

The cost of gas is gonna eat into the profits.

You rake it and your customers reek

Did hot restart testing in Phoenix in 115°F temperatures. Drive a stop & go course until, the air conditioner cuts out, then keep going until you almost overheat (you have sensor data so know when to stop). Then wait out on the hot asphalt for half an hour, then try to restart.