Close to Home by John McPherson for August 22, 2024

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    Yakety Sax  3 months ago

    So, he didn’t get autopsied?

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    baddawg1989  3 months ago

    [Old guy accused of being dead in Monty Python and the Holy Grail] I feel happyyyyyyyy… :-D

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    j_m_kuehl  3 months ago

    Well if you weren’t dead before the autopsy, you would be after

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    Tigers in 2017,2019,2020 Premium Member 3 months ago

    A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he started ther autopsy.

    “No,” the doctor said. “I did not check his pulse.”

    “And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer.

    “No I did not,” the doctor said.

    “So,” said the lawyer, “when you started the autopsy, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.”

    The doctor said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk”

    “So he could have still been alive then?” asked the lawyer

    “You’re right! for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere.”
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    Dobie  Premium Member 3 months ago

    Get this… not only was there that goofy thing with the autopsy… ha, you’re gonna laugh at this one … but they had you in the wrong drawer! You’re gonna be able to look back on this and just laugh!

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    DaBump Premium Member 3 months ago

    Another, “I don’t know why this strikes me as so funny, but it does!”

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    Aficionado  3 months ago

    I hope you are starting to feel better, John. Ten year olds can handle that kind of surgery without too much trouble. “Seasoned” adults? Not so much.

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    RobinHood  3 months ago

    There can be only one

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    mfrasca  3 months ago

    His Burial would have been Premature.

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    CrimsonOne18  3 months ago

    The medical examiner had a golf date so he faked the autopsy paperwork.

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    paranormal  3 months ago

    That’s the last time he’ll go to sleep on a gurney!!!

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    ncorgbl  3 months ago

    “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated”.

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    Daltongang Premium Member 3 months ago

    This might be funny if something quite similar hadn’t happened in California.

    Do a search for Mercy San Juan Medical Center. The misplaced a the body of a woman, telling the family that she had checked out of the hospital, when she had actually died. They spent a year trying to find her before it was revealed that the woman had dies and her body was shipped to an off site morgue.

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    P51Strega  3 months ago

    His insurance wouldn’t cover a full autopsy, if he doesn’t wake up, his policy is expired.

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    Frank Burns Eats Worms  3 months ago

    Things went autopsy-turvy.

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    Ji535m  3 months ago

    The phrase " to make a long story short" always reminds of the response “too late!”

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    cuzinron47  3 months ago

    Yeah, we can’t have people being alive after autopsy is performed.

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    Impkins  Premium Member 3 months ago

    Oh Goody!!!!!!!!! Now we can play Whack a Human! :)

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    Buoy  3 months ago

    Sheesh, who’s running that morgue? A bunch of stiffs?

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    the lost wizard  3 months ago

    We’re not going to charge you for your stay. :)

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    norphos  3 months ago

    Ouch!

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    Jeffin Premium Member 3 months ago

    Don’t talk the poor guy to death.

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    mbrahms26  3 months ago

    And we will do all in our power to return your kidney!

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    Ricky Bennett  3 months ago

    Misnumbered drawers. There are two drawers with the number 302 (although one is partially hidden).

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    Norris66  3 months ago

    Gee ya make one little mistake and they fire you.

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    geese28  3 months ago

    Make sure he left your insides the way it’s supposed to be

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