Close to Home by John McPherson for August 22, 2024

So, he didn’t get autopsied?

[Old guy accused of being dead in Monty Python and the Holy Grail] I feel happyyyyyyyy… :-D

Well if you weren’t dead before the autopsy, you would be after

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he started ther autopsy.

“No,” the doctor said. “I did not check his pulse.”

“And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer.

“No I did not,” the doctor said.

“So,” said the lawyer, “when you started the autopsy, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.”

The doctor said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk”

“So he could have still been alive then?” asked the lawyer

“You’re right! for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere.”

Get this… not only was there that goofy thing with the autopsy… ha, you’re gonna laugh at this one … but they had you in the wrong drawer! You’re gonna be able to look back on this and just laugh!

Another, “I don’t know why this strikes me as so funny, but it does!”

I hope you are starting to feel better, John. Ten year olds can handle that kind of surgery without too much trouble. “Seasoned” adults? Not so much.

There can be only one

His Burial would have been Premature.

The medical examiner had a golf date so he faked the autopsy paperwork.

That’s the last time he’ll go to sleep on a gurney!!!

“The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated”.

This might be funny if something quite similar hadn’t happened in California.

Do a search for Mercy San Juan Medical Center. The misplaced a the body of a woman, telling the family that she had checked out of the hospital, when she had actually died. They spent a year trying to find her before it was revealed that the woman had dies and her body was shipped to an off site morgue.

His insurance wouldn’t cover a full autopsy, if he doesn’t wake up, his policy is expired.

Things went autopsy-turvy.

The phrase " to make a long story short" always reminds of the response “too late!”

Yeah, we can’t have people being alive after autopsy is performed.

Oh Goody!!!!!!!!! Now we can play Whack a Human! :)

Sheesh, who’s running that morgue? A bunch of stiffs?

We’re not going to charge you for your stay. :)

Ouch!

Don’t talk the poor guy to death.

And we will do all in our power to return your kidney!

Misnumbered drawers. There are two drawers with the number 302 (although one is partially hidden).

Gee ya make one little mistake and they fire you.

Make sure he left your insides the way it’s supposed to be