Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for January 03, 2010
Transcript:
Man: Hey, got a new gizmo, eh, Ralph? Man: Yeah... my wife gave it to me for Christmas. She thought it'd come in handy here at the office. Man: Cool... so what is it? Man: It's a P.C. atomic clock and word-of-the-day calendar... Clock: The absolutely correct time is 11:37 am. The word for today, now held as being absolutely offensive, regardless of context, actual definition or literary accuracy, therefore forbidden to ever be uttered again, is... the "D" word! Man: O-o-o-kay... any idea what it's referring to? Man: Not a clue... but I'll play it safe and avoid saying any words that being with a "D" from now on. Man: I can think of something else that'd come in real handy at the moment... Man: Forget it, I already tried... they made it sledgehammer-proof.
GROG Premium Member almost 15 years ago
Just pull the plug!
Flintstoned almost 15 years ago
Return it.
DarthSequitur almost 15 years ago
-ang it, Wiley, now I’ll be trying to figure out what the D- word is all night.
John Reiher Premium Member almost 15 years ago
Hey, you’d have to be *umb not to know what the D-word is?
invisifan almost 15 years ago
You can’t pull the plug: it’s atomic!
Varnes almost 15 years ago
Divorce .
LordDogmore almost 15 years ago
IF it’s “sledge hammer proof” then use the “C” word, as in C-4. (“Strictly for ‘medicinal puposes’ mind you”)
ronaldmundy almost 15 years ago
it’s solar. since it’s in the office of no return….give it away. who’s gonna know? *amn is right, regardless of context.
wicky almost 15 years ago
Divorce and she loses her meal ticket.
llong65 almost 15 years ago
WHERE’S HOMER ?????!!!!!!!!!!!! He was suppose to be here for Sundays.
ronaldmundy almost 15 years ago
divorce and HE loses his meal ticket. i don’t care which way a divorce goes. we all just keep paying, and paying, and paying. (monetarily, physically, and emotionally) get over it larry. it’s always going to be a toss up. lay off the coffee. have a couple of shots of van gogh’s double expresso. i guarantee if you repeat this offend enough, you’ll be saying, “homer, who?”
cleokaya almost 15 years ago
Larry, I guess you mean Wiley’s Homer. Because Homer Simpson would be offensive… Doh
kittenpah almost 15 years ago
“There is no personal problem that cannot be resolved with the appropriate placement of high explosives.”
Hunter S. Thompson
Pro-Lick almost 15 years ago
I actually read this at 11:37am my time. I think it can see into the future and cause serious harm to you if you attempt to Disable it.
cmugnier almost 15 years ago
C-4 is for cutting metal. TNT is more appropriate for the job, and safer than commercial Dynamite.
Takes a license to purchase, though …
Wildmustang1262 almost 15 years ago
Ohdang! That’s it! Pull the plug off and toss it in trash. That is not always accurate like a GPA. Sheshhh!
ronaldmundy almost 15 years ago
not if you make your own nitro. just remember….don’t skimp on the ice, and use douglas fur for your saw dust. C-4 is used in demolition. now if you want to melt or “cut” metal, break out the potassium nitrate.
WyattMute almost 15 years ago
Disastrous!
Trebor39 almost 15 years ago
If you try to throw it out, it will be coming to get you Ralph!
fredbuhl almost 15 years ago
is it hack-saw proof?
1stHoneygirl almost 15 years ago
Better yet regift it to someone you don’t like.
bigsnooze almost 15 years ago
mount the satellite dish on your roof that way you can watch FOX
Varnes almost 15 years ago
The thing even looks angry..
treered almost 15 years ago
maybe some napalm? or Wily Peter?
Joseph Krois almost 15 years ago
Darwin? Think on that monkey-boy! Intelligent design my arse! Though it was clever about the female form thing…Hmmm?
Jiblet_VT almost 15 years ago
It’s probably DISABLED! We now have to use Challenged, as in physically-, mentally-, ethically-. Personally, I think the whole PC thing is retarded!
DevXIII almost 15 years ago
@Richard, given last weeks arc, I think your guess may be on the money.
JanLC almost 15 years ago
Jiblet_VT, I heard on New Year’s morning, the new substitution for disabled: differently-abled. Stupidest PC garbage I’ve heard in a long time.
This whole thing reminds me of an old novelty song (I can’t remember the title) by Phil Harris - “You’ll never get rid of that dum-ta-dum, no matter what you do”.
pbarnrob almost 15 years ago
Had to look; wikipedia points to it. Phil Harris performed “The Thing” in 1950 on an RCA 78 (vinyl, y’see). Enjoy!
Another useful combo comes to mind; thermite, a carefully measured mix of finely powdered aluminum and rust (iron oxide), that when lit, makes molten iron; thermite grenades were what we always kept in the top drawer of the secret file cabinet, in case there was time to use it if the base were being overrun by the Iwakuni B-girls.
wittyvegan almost 15 years ago
D-Word: “Dick Cheney”
Ok. It’s two words but since Cheney is used to bend the rules so can I.