Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for December 15, 2012

Gifts expired fruit cake.

No such thing as expired fruit cake. It just gets better with age.

Did Mark really do this 15 times before??!!

Ripping off the mattress tag must have been featured in Consumer Police Reports #1!

I hate to think I might have to be put in a cell with someone who mixed old batteries with new ones, or tore the top off the cracker box instead of pressing “here”…

But I have to admit…. I use my phone for e-mail and the internet…. you mean… it makes calls?

And when my dog was old and lost her appetite I mixed canned cat food in her kibble..The vet told me to, so he may be an accessory to the crime.

Where’s the guy who ignored the words, “Open Other End”?

Nothing Christmas related in this?

You can always give that fruitcake to a Salvation Army bell ringer to use as a kettle stand weight…

And how about the guy person who took the medicine before shaking the well?!? . . . . ☻

It’s not a phone- it’s a pocket computer that happens to also make calls.

I once said I had no intention of getting a cell phone, so that is my excuse for owning a smartph-, err, Android pocket computer.

My old cat and dog would be guilty as charged. Dog used to go into the kitchen and start eating from the cat bowl. Cat would come in, see dog eating from her bowl, go over and eat from dog bowl. Mom called vet, asked if this was a problem. Vet asked, “Do they seem to be having bad experiences from it? Are they throwing up or anything like that? No? Then don’t worry about it.” And thus it ran for the next 15 years or so.

aww the doggie in that last one! <3

Talking to my daughter yesterday … --She says: “How is your book?”--I say: “Dunno, I’m only in the prologue now.”--Retort: “You read the prologue?”--“Yeah, after I read the introduction.”

Michael Bloomberg’s version of heaven…