Cathy Classics by Cathy Guisewite for May 22, 2014

Never going to happen, Cathy!!! It’s a fact that men lose weight faster than women…just peruse the various weight-loss programs out there, and see who loses the most weight first… ;)

My sister said that she read your strip because she was always concern about her weight. She tells me how financially secure I am with three pensions and living in San Diego. But it seems something else is breaking down in my body. I tell Luz whenever I died to turn in my death certificate at local office so she can get the insurance money faster. I tell her about do this or that. It seems 40 years goes fast. For some reason, I can’t let go of the memory of you. I haven’t seen you almost 50 years. Funny, the stupid things you think of. It seems so silly seeing Luz almost in tears when that stupid good bye letter got returned. I just wanted to say good bye to you.

Now Mona has done something girly that I haven’t.

Yes, people our age should look like you. Drs. H and L are our age and their bodies are slender like yours. Dr. L was so happy that I lost 33 pounds which help take me off the CPAP machine and relieve the pain in my right hip. But he said I needed to lose another 25 pounds to be the right weight. Dr. H told me that if I got that belly off me, that would do a deal for my leaking heart valve. I really don’t look forward to a pig valve. Both doctors are our age. Dr. L is a Latino George Clooney. I saw some woman get crazy around him.Luz can do dishes that outdo any place in San Diego. Good thing, she does not do it often or I would be really in trouble. Being a former pizza maker, I use a pizza stone for the crust. We tried not to use that too often. I really stay away from making egg rolls. Luz says mine are the best because I use lots of meat. My wonton soup beat any place in this country. I use spicy breakfast sausage for the fillings. I like to use freshly prepared barbecue pork and peeled shrimp. Only healthy items are the sugar peas, boy toy, and green onions. Yes, Luz and I like food.

When I look at that old picture of my father with Nixon and his wife, Pat, at the White House, I know why I hate politics. I remember the heated words between us about why he was supporting Nixon. “He scratches my back and I scratch his.”I was supposed to be with him at the White House. But I refused and my brother, Clarence, who hated Nixon as much as I did, had to go. But the political favors came.When I took the Navy OCS exam, I barely got to halfway. It was full with all the technical stuff liberal arts majors like us have no idea about. The officer without looking at the test, said, “You passed.”What??? My father.Then, he showed up the first week at OCS. He made big waves coming in as he always did. By doing this, he blackballed me with every OCS student. We know how you got in.I was scared about going to Vietnam like all the rest of my class. But I had to get rid of my father’s interference.When I was in Vietnam, my father lost everything. He went to Canada to start over again.I had my life with Luz and my son. She went back home to get her papers. They wouldn’t give them. My son became deathly ill.Before I went to Mexico, I sent a telegram to Senator Griffin, Republican Minority Whip, and my father’s friend. My mother said Griffin would not do anything since my father had no political power in Michigan.When I got there, an embassy secretary said, “So many letters from Congressmen and Senators”. We walked out of embassy and home.My father had the last laugh.

My husband always loses more weight faster than I do but then, he’s almost always got further to go than I do, too. It all seems to balance out in the end . . . by the time I lose those few extremely stubborn, hard-to-lose lbs. and get down to where I want to be, he’s pretty much at his goal weight at around the exact same time, too.

Hi, rgcviper!

Hello and happy Thursday, fellow “Cathy” fans. Hope everyone had a really nice day today.

[Sigh] When in doubt, turn to the trusty [eye-roll].

HI, MOM. Hello, Clan.

You know you love her. She loves you. You ask her to marry you in three months. She says let’s wait six months to see if it is real. Her sister gets mad because she doesn’t think you mean it. My sister should go out with other guys, she says. No, I don’t want to go with other guys. We go to Penny’s and buy a ring.No positioning because if two people love each other, then it happens. If you play this silly game of what you should do, I don’t think it going to last very long.