Frank and Ernest by Thaves for July 18, 2013

Heads are going to roll…

Lettuce depart.

Like Benny Hill said when making a soup … "And we’ll add some mint for all the things I mint to do.

Constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A ‘friend of a friend’ put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of ‘Artie.’ Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out of a spouse was $10,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar coin that rested inside.

Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Costco Warehouse. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared.

’ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ Costco

Weed both better rest…. ! ! !

Cannot bring myself to carrot all…

It takes a lot of lettuce to make this garden

All of these puns are just medi-okra.

You get cooked….I get eaten raw…..It’s a cruel world.

Some days I just want to stand here and take in the fresh carbon dioxide and cool the forest with my shade.

How can they be tired? They spend all day and night in bed!

Lettuce pray this strip gets better.

Honeymoon salad = lettuce alone

Beet is like Groot.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groot

Lookout – here comes the guy with the hoe and a new package of seed.