Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for August 13, 2013

More practical perhaps.

Next door. Funny. That’s how long it is to my favorite place.

Lawn care?…..Pave it and paint it green…..I really hate mowing the lawn…..

You’d think the lawn care guy would at least have steps like they do next door…Are steps the secret to life?

Some people would ask, “There’s a difference?”

My neighbor has one of the most beautiful lawns on my street. He is always out there mowing, trimming, and picking up leaf litter. My lawn is the exact opposite. If it gets mowed once a week I feel like I accomplished a major feat. It gets trimmed maybe 3-4 times a season (if I feel like it). Of course maybe because my lawn is so shabby is why his looks so good.

“Oh, I’m sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?”.http://www.mindspring.com/~mfpatton/sketch.htm

I thought it was 42?

Luckily I like cutting grass, part of my job is cutting 2000 sq metres of grass every week.

nice to see you here…creep!

One mow like that an Wiley and yer fired…..

Life is actually the easier of the two.

Funny comments everyone. Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!

To mow or not to mow.What time is my tee off?Whether tis noblier to shank balls off a tee or partake in the sweet nectar of the odious gas exhaust mixed with the smell of wet fresh cut grass.Thou doth strike me to the quick making one chose between two equally fair and complete visions of happiness.Hark, the call of the foul temptress doth invade my poor ears.Lo, she beckons me fourth to the drudgery of the Honey Do list.I plead “Yea, my friends and companions waiteth for me.”My pleas fall on deaf ears and the stare of the vile woman doth burn with the fires of hell for such indiscretion.To mow or not to mow? That is no longer a question but now a task to harkened to with the last vestige of my being.I leaveth you friends, I have a dragon to conquest and the day doth run its course.As I toll away I receive a gift from the once foul mannered temptress. A tall cold one and a kiss on the cheek.Perhaps it is not such bad lot after all. Maybe her sweetness may go further.If I am done by noon……….sports may be afoot. (Wink Wink Nudge Nudge)

Someone once asked me why I had left a beautiful home in a scenic area and moved across the country. I explained that I was tired of walking my ex-dogs and mowing my ex-grass.

GeorgeTirebiter, that’s the way I play it…..say hello to Porgie and Mudhead for me…..

AstroTurf – Artificial synthetic grass brought to you by Monsanto.

Somebody’s been listening to The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway.

verrrrry funny

The secret to lawn care: do not own a female dog.

A friend of mine planted short buffalo grass. It doesn’t grow any taller than seven inches. The city ticketed him for weeds. An environmental attorney, he took them to court, claiming a weed was an unwanted plant and he wanted buffalo grass because it didn’t need tending. He won, but the city made him put a hedge around the yard to hide it. The last time I was near there, another house on the block had done the same thing. See Fritz v Dallas.

Ours is easier. We have gravel. Once a month somebody shows up to pull weeds. Works for me.

One and the same right? Lawn care = secret of life.

Mowing the lawn imposes orderliness on my world, but my lawn mower’s engine is smoking badly.

People who water their lawn because they are afraid the grass could die, are silly. You can’t kill grass by non-chemical means….Drought? The grass always comes back….In fact the best thing to do for grass in to burn it. You want to help your lawn? Torch it. Grasses thrive after a fire….That Kaki brown that grass gets when it dries up is the prettiest of the summer to me….

I tried that when I moved in 10yrs ago. There is some silly law about grass length. Over 6" ‘fine’ big time. I mow it long about 4-5 on average so ten or eleven days puts me in the outlaw bracket.

Gurus on grass…..is this a good thing and what do they do if they get the munchies?