Phoebe and Her Unicorn by Dana Simpson for August 23, 2014

Phoebe, this WAS the next time. You either don’t remember the last time you did this exact same thing, or your trapped in a magical causality time loop caused by a combination of the shock of seeing your dad shave his beard and trying to go in to denial, making your self recall better times, and proximity to Marigold’s horn when she was pondering the purpose of daylight savings time and wondering if it happened because unicorns actually moved the sun ahead or back a whole our or if it was just silly human nonce. That’s my head canon and Im sticking with it.

Why is it okay for children to drink caffeinated soft drinks, but not coffee?

Coffee is a superfood.Even decaf is full of over a hundred different kinds of antioxidants.

Decaf is not 100% decaffeinated.

It wasn’t the coffee that made them weird. They just are. :)

@khatkhattu from yesterday: yes, you’re right, it had the additional "ho ho, he he, " but was the only one I could think of with “ha ha” in it. And yes, while I was a teenager at the time and didn’t get why it was tasteless, it was considered so. These days? They’d play it BECAUSE it was tasteless until the PC police showed up. Funny thing is, SO many more people now than then feel they’re about to be / should be taken away. And they aint’ wrong! Thanks for the feedback.

lotsa discussion, but I’m going with placebo effect . . .

Never going to happen!

How much you wanna bet that Dad was lying about it being decaf just to mess with his daughter and her unicorn.

My grandfather would always leave half a cup for my mom when she was a child, and it was her turn to clear the table, or wash the dishes. None of the other children wanted it.

Maybe it’s all the sugar they put in it.

Decaf gives us a headache, but regular coffee is fine. It’d be nice to just get extra sparkles instead.

I remember when they first came up with decaf. It had the exact same amount of caffeine in it as it had previously. No lie. There used to be something called Minimum Daily Requirements for nutrient intake (the amount of Vitamin A, Calcium, etc.). This was the minimum amount of nutrients required to barely keep a person from getting sick. Eventually, they changed it to Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA). The funny thing is, the requirements were exactly the same in both instances. Did you know an ape requires 4,000 mg of Vitamin C? Yet, a human only requires 60 mg of Vitamin C, according to the RDA? I realize an ape is more active than a human, typically, but still . . . It’s like they want us to be near sick all the time.